Marriage has its problems for both sexes; but since woman is still the weaker sex, the problems arising from marriage are more complicated for her than for man, especially in the circumstances of her present development. Tradition makes her role in it passive, not active, forbidding her to ask for the hand of the one she wants while permitting him to do so. And circumstances make marriage a thing more desired by her than by him — because of the quickness of her physiological maturing, or her need of protection, or of someone to support her, or of greater social freedom.
We notice that in the small villages and the poor, backward circles marriage is an easy matter that poses no problem: because of the low standard of living in these circles; because of the man's need of early marriage, to gain a wife and children who will share with him the work of house and field; and because of the absence of amusements, mental occupations, and the like, which give the young men of the cities tempting outlets for their energy and turn them away from marriage, if only for a time. Marriage is a simple thing where life is simple and natural; but it grows complicated and becomes a problem where life is complicated — above all in the circles of the cities and in the middle and aristocratic classes — and this because of:
1 - The high standard of living. The girl of this class is generally used to comfort, needs servants, and cannot undertake work outside the house unless she has a profession. The young man therefore sets before his eyes the difficulty of meeting the expenses of marriage and family, and sees in it a dangerous venture.
2 - And this creates the problem of the dowry. The young man who takes upon himself all the expenses of the house refuses to marry without a dowry, unless he possesses a large fortune. And greed may drag even the rich man into chasing after the dowry, on the principle of the proverb: more of a good thing is a good thing.
3 - The scantiness of the opportunities for the mixing of the sexes. And we notice that the pressure upon woman in the simple, natural circles is far less than in the cultivated circles of deep-rooted traditions, where the attitude toward her swings between an excess of pressure and an excess of liberty.
4 - The dominance of economic fear over the soul of the employee, where there are no social guarantees to secure his future. He lives in fear of dismissal, or unemployment, or disability and sickness. He is in constant dread for his own future — how much more, then, if he becomes the head of a family?
He fears the piling up of responsibilities and puts off his marriage until he has become a man of fortune; and then he marries one who is ten or twenty years his junior, and leaves the women of his own generation to their fate.
5 - The dominance of family traditions over the young man. For the lack of social guarantees makes helpless parents a burden upon their sons, and these are compelled to put off their marriage until the sisters are married, or because they must support the parents.
6 - The interference of the family in the affairs of marriage. This may be a factor in promoting it, when they take upon themselves the business of "settling the children's future" where tradition prevents the children from doing so. But very often they stand as a barrier in the way of marriage, when they wish to impose their views upon the young man or the girl, and oppose his marriage or hers because the other party is not of their class or of their sect, or because his people are among their adversaries, or because he is poor, or because this marriage is not in their interest.
7 - The absurdity of the traditions of weddings, which impose upon the bridal pair and the families crushing expenses — the buying of jewels, trousseaux, clothes, and sumptuous furniture, and the giving of banquets and parties. The sad thing is that the majority among us are still enslaved to these traditions, so much so that some do not scruple to borrow money for the purchase of jewels and the giving of parties, in order to appear before people in other than their true guise.
8 - The barriers of the social classes, which prevent the people of the working class from intermarrying with the people of the aristocratic class, and the middle class with either of the two classes referred to.
9 - The arrogance of the young man and his selfishness, as a result of the favoritism he meets with and the forms of mastery he enjoys in family and society; so that he becomes self-important, holding himself above the girls around him.
10 - The unbendingness of the girl who has gained a measure of culture, or a share of economic independence, or a social position. Every girl belonging to one of these three kinds finds difficulty in finding the fitting husband; for personal pride — quite apart from social tradition — does not permit her to be joined to one beneath her in culture or in social position. And if she has a work or a profession that allows her economic independence, she prefers the solitary life to descending from her social or cultural level by living with a man she does not respect or esteem. And the thing that arrests attention here is that the girl of this kind is far more reluctant and unbending than the cultivated young man; that is, he does not hesitate to marry one who falls below him in culture, and may even prefer her to another. And I do not know whether this difference exists because social tradition binds the girl more than it binds the young man, or because the girl is more idealistic and holds less to the practical ways of life.
We have gone through the details of the obstacles that stand in the way of marriage and make of it a problem