Beware of Love in Spring!

...When the sweet days begin, and the earth wakes and turns green, and the languor of the fragrant air caresses our bodies and enters our breasts as though it pierced to our very hearts—then we feel a vague desire to gather some vague happiness, and we long to wander, to seek adventures, to drink deep from the springs of spring.

...The winter had been harsh, and so this passion was a deep breathing-in of the month of spring, like a zephyr flooding over me, like a pouring rain.

I awoke one morning and saw from my window, above the neighboring houses, the vast blue horizon veiled in the gold of the sun, and the street brimming over with gaiety. So I went out, clear of mind, not knowing where to turn. I saw a smile rising to every lip, and sensed a wind of happiness blowing from every quarter in the warm spring light. The city was making merry in a flood of love; the girls tripped along in their morning finery, their eyes seeming to betray a hidden tenderness—and my heart overflowed with agitation, and before I knew how or why, I had reached the river Seine.

The steamboat was making ready to depart, and a sudden desire came over me to go out to the woods. The boat was crowded with passengers, and when I turned, there beside me was a neighbor—a woman of Parisian grace, with a bewitching fair head, her locks drooping upon her cheeks as though a scattered glow of light, while the spring toyed with them over her ears and her lovely fair neck.

I gazed at her a long while; she turned toward me, then suddenly lowered her eyes, and the shadow of a sweet smile traced itself upon her mouth.

The quiet river opened out before us, the light filled the sky, and a murmur of the rapture of life filled the air.

My neighbor was beautiful, enchanting; in her glances were a thousand meanings and a thousand deep secrets, and in her a soft magic... And a mad desire took hold of me to clasp her in my arms and carry her far away and whisper the melodies of love into her ear. I was on the point of opening my mouth... when someone touched my shoulder... and there was a man, neither young nor old, staring at me with mournful eyes, saying: "...A word, sir!!"

The man sensed that I had made a gesture of annoyance, and he said: "...An important matter, sir."

I rose and followed him to a corner of the boat, and he began: "Sir! In the cold, rainy winter, your doctor tells you: 'Keep your feet well warmed; beware of chills and colds and inflammations of the chest.' So you take your precautions—and even so you always spend two months in bed... But when spring comes, with all its temptations, its greenery and its flowers, its mild winds and soft breaths, and carries you off toward vague, dim things—no one comes to you and says: Beware of love! For it is on every side; it lies in wait for you in every corner... it sets its snares to catch you with all the weapons and treacheries it possesses... Beware of love!! Beware of it... for it is more dangerous than colds and inflammations of the chest and consumption and... Yes, sir, I tell you it is the government's duty to post notices on the walls reading: 'Spring is back: beware of love!!'—just as one sometimes writes on the doors of houses, 'Beware of the paint!' And since the government does not do it, I take its place and say to you: 'Beware of love! It is about to fall upon you, and it is my duty to warn you, as in Russia they warn a passerby whose nose is freezing.'"

I stood frozen and bewildered before this strange person; then I assumed an air of dignity and said: "It seems to me, sir, that you are meddling in what does not concern you."

He made a quick gesture and answered: "If I saw, sir, a man about to drown in a dangerous spot, should I then leave him to drown? But listen to my story, sir, and you will learn why I dared to speak to you in this way:

"It was last year, at just this time. You must know first that I am a clerk in the Ministry of Marine. One day I looked out of my office window, and the blue of the sky and the warbling of the nightingales so delighted me that I nearly danced among the boxes and the stacked papers. When I left, I walked to the Seine. The weather was glorious, as it is today, and I boarded this very boat, meaning to take an outing... I seemed to kindle with the heat of the sun, and the sight of everything delighted me: the sight of the boat, the river, the trees, the houses, my neighbors... I longed to embrace anything at all in the world—and there was love, preparing its snares for me; and there, suddenly, I saw a girl climb aboard the boat, a little bag in her hand, and sit down facing me...

"She was pretty—yes, sir; but the astonishing thing is how much more beautiful women seem to us when the weather turns fair and spring has come; then we find in them a peculiar magic.

"I stared at her and she stared at me—but only from time to time, as your neighbor is doing now. At last, after we had persisted a while in this exchange of glances, I judged the moment had come to speak with her; I addressed her, and she answered me. She was graceful, as every woman is, and I warmed to her talk... and the softness of the air drew sighs from us both.

"I said to her: 'The weather must be glorious in the woods.' She said: 'Yes, no doubt!!'

"I said: 'Then will you come along, Mademoiselle, and stroll there with me a little?' She shot me a quick, sweeping glance, as if to test what manner of man I was! And after a slight hesitation she accepted my invitation. And off we went, walking side by side among the trees, in the shade of the burgeoning boughs whose green threw back the sunlight. The birds were singing on every side; my companion was transported with delight at these natural marvels, and took to darting here and there, with me behind her.

"Then she began to sing all manner of songs in mellow tones, till I nearly wept...

"Fatigue soon overcame her and she sat down on the green grass; I sat at her feet and took her two hands, on whose fingertips the pricks of needles were traced, and I was touched by that. I said to myself: 'This is the mark of sacred toil...'

"Then each of us gazed long at the other. Ah!! A woman's eye—what powers it conceals, how it stirs, invades, possesses, and captivates; how deep it seems, how brimming with allurement, with what has no end! They call that reading the soul. Ah, sir, what nonsense! For if we could truly read there what is in the soul, we should be more careful and more sensible.

"At last my breast caught fire, and I wished to circle her with my arm; but she said, 'Take care!' So I knelt, and startled her with my love, and poured out upon her knees all the burning passion within me. Astonishment showed on her face, and she gave me a sidelong glance, as though saying to herself: 'So this is how he plays with you—you shall see...'

"In love, sir, we are always simpletons. No doubt I could have possessed her—I realized my folly afterward—but what I was seeking was not a body: it was love, the ideal...

"I did not part from her until Paris. From the moment of our return she was deep in melancholy, and when I asked her the reason she answered: 'I am thinking of days like these, which do not come often in a life.' At that my heart beat so violently it nearly leapt from my breast.

"The little minx stirred my passion; at last I lost my head, and before three months had passed I had married her. ...What would you have? When a man is a clerk, alone, with no family and no one to counsel him, he says to himself: how happy life would be with a certain woman!

"But then she torments him morning and evening; she understands nothing, she knows nothing; she gives herself over to quarreling and to singing (ah, the singing, sir!); she pours out to the housemaid all the secrets of the house, and confides to the neighbors' maid all the secrets of the bed; she runs her husband down in the shops; she stuffs her head with absurdities, superstitions, and inanities—until I could weep with despair whenever I talked with her."

Then he fell silent, overcome with weariness and emotion. I looked at him, pitying his simplicity, and was about to answer him with some phrase or other—but just then the boat stopped: we had arrived...

The little woman rose, and passed close by me, glancing at me, with an inviting smile on her lips—one of those smiles that drive you out of your senses... Then she sprang ashore.

I sprang up to follow her, but my companion caught me by the sleeve. I shook free of him with a quick movement, but he seized the tail of my coat, laughing and repeating: "We shall not go! We shall not go!"—in a voice so loud that everyone turned toward us.

Laughter rose all around us. I stood rooted, furious; but I lost all courage in the face of mockery and scandal, while my persecutor whispered in my ear, rubbing his hands:

"By God, I have done you a good turn there..."