For Every Girl About to Marry

... And the girl objects, saying: "But it is he I am going to marry, not his whole family, and we shall live by ourselves two hundred miles away. What reason have you, my friend, to concern yourself with tying the bonds of friendship and harmony between me and his family?"

Her companion answers her, trying to persuade her why she — and every girl about to marry — must have a thorough acquaintance with all the members of her fiancé's family. Here are the chief arguments he put forward:

1 - When you observe your fiancé within the circle of his family, you touch a side of his character that you cannot make out outside that circle. At home he is natural in his behavior, especially if he has younger brothers and sisters, for then he shrinks from pretending to be what he is not, lest his brothers and sisters call his bluff. Thus you are able to test him as he really is, in the atmosphere of his home and family, better than you could outside it.

2 - While you are in his house, you can notice how he treats his mother and how far he respects her. For it is of great importance that you should know — you being the second woman in his life in order of importance — how this man treats his mother, and to what lengths he respects her and sacrifices for her happiness and comfort.

3 - By coming to know his family, and making a study of his brothers and sisters as well as of him, you gain a fair idea of your future children, of their qualities and capacities, and of whether there is in his family any mental deficiency or hereditary illness... and this knowledge is very necessary indeed.

4 - You come to know the atmosphere in which he grew up and the ways of living he is used to, and you compare them with your own ways of living in the atmosphere of your home, trying to bring the two together. For a man, after his marriage, generally seeks an atmosphere close to the one in which he was raised, and if the gap between the two atmospheres is wide, discord is bound to follow.

5 - Watch closely how his father treats his mother, for sons generally copy their fathers' ways in treating their wives. If his father is hard-tempered, imposing his authority on his wife, then you must be on your guard, and lie in wait for the first sign from your fiancé that might lead to the same result.

6 - Through contact with his family you can learn from his mother the dishes he likes best — and nothing works upon a man's heart like the road through his stomach! The kinds of cooking and sweets he loved from his mother's hand are what will please him most after his marriage, and will make him love you more and more.

7 - And in the future of your married life, it may well happen that a family crisis carries off one of his parents, and your husband is obliged to invite the surviving parent to live with him. In that case it is better for you to be acquainted with his parents' natures and habits, so that your life together may be a happy one, untroubled by misunderstanding, its serenity unclouded by any passing cloud.