Lessons and Examinations in Married Life

One of the great psychologists, an eminent physician specializing in the treatment of marital problems named Dr. Eustace Chesser, has drawn up the questions for a careful examination which each of the two spouses first tries upon himself, then gives himself the marks he deserves, then asks his wife to give him the marks she thinks he deserves. He adds the marks together and divides them by two, and thus obtains the approximate average — for no one knows a man better than his wife, and no one knows her better than he.

Each of these questions carries a mark from 5 to 0, according to your full deserving. A mark of 100 is unnatural, and shows that you are not sincere in your estimate; you should therefore grade yourself with all care.

These are the questions addressed to the husband:

1 - Do you regard your wife as an independent creature, with ideas and tastes that may differ from your own ideas and tastes?

2 - Do you know that your wife loves compliments and praise, takes pride in you and in your love for her, and wishes with all her heart that you would show your attachment to her as you did before marriage — do you take notice of this and show her your love?

3 - Are you certain that your wife and children do not have to cross barriers to reach you — the barriers of indifference you have raised between yourself and them?

4 - Do you manage your money well and keep a white piaster for a black day? Or do you care about money more than about your family's comfort and happiness? Or do you squander your money here and there, leaving your family bewildered and fearful for its future?

5 - Are you moderate in your conduct, and do you have willpower where smoking, drink, and gambling are concerned?

6 - Do you consult your wife on matters touching your private interests?

7 - Do you tyrannize over your wife?

8 - Do you allow her freedom of action in running the house and in handling the money required for it?

9 - Do you leave her a portion of your income to spend as she pleases?

10 - Have you praised her and complimented her work this week?

11 - Do you always remember her birthday, your wedding anniversary, and the other holidays, with a little gift for each of these lovely occasions?

12 - In your intimate relations, do you attend to everything that pleases her as much as you attend to your own personal pleasure and delight?

13 - Do you accept the responsibilities of married life — receptions, concern for the children's schooling, and the other family responsibilities — with full contentment and pleasure?

14 - Do you always avoid criticizing and blaming your wife in front of strangers, and in front of your children as well?

15 - Can you always face the naked truth about all your actions and conduct toward your wife?

16 - Do you spend the greater part of your leisure time in amusement shared by you and your wife together?

17 - If you both feel it necessary to face the children with sincere and unaffected advice, do you volunteer to perform this duty?

18 - Does it matter to you now, as it did before, to feel her complete satisfaction with all you do, and her admiration for you?

19 - Are you certain that jealousy has had no influence on your treatment of her?

20 - Do you gladly accept giving her the full freedom that you want for yourself?

★ A woman's happiness withers if she cannot regard her husband as her first friend.
George Sand

★ How strange woman is: if man conquers her she hates him, and if she conquers him she despises him.
John Barrymore

1 - Do you help your husband without weighing down his shoulders with unexpected demands?

2 - Do you attend to all the appearances that make you attractive, as you did before marriage?

3 - Do you treat his family with full respect and courtesy, and keep your relatives and your mother from meddling in your private affairs?

4 - Are you certain that you do not grumble and cry woe and ruin over the most trivial matters?

5 - Do you show a true sporting spirit by accepting success and failure in his financial affairs, without laying upon him alone the responsibility for failure?

6 - Is your companionship with him in your married life free of trivialities and groundless fears?

7 - Do you take an interest in all his work and business without interfering, and without troubling him with advice he does not ask for and misplaced criticism of his friends?

8 - Do you attend to him and to his amusement outside working hours, and accompany him in his hours of recreation?

9 - Do you get along with his companions and receive them with confidence and competence?

10 - Do you handle your household spending wisely and in a serious way?

11 - Have you dealt with anyone without his knowledge?

12 - After consideration, do you believe that your house is as beautiful, and your furniture as comfortable, as your financial circumstances allow?

13 - Have you never neglected your husband and the showing of your attachment to him while displaying great attachment to one of your children?

14 - Are you jealous over him, or do you awaken his jealousy over you for your own private ends?

15 - Can you talk with your husband about your intimate relations without hesitation?

16 - Do you show kindness and affection to his mother and the rest of his acquaintances and relatives?

17 - Do you refrain from asking of him what is beyond his material means, so that he is forced to stint himself in order to please you and add to your delight?

18 - Do you attend to the running of your house and to your duties as wife and mother as though you held an official post with a large salary?

19 - During the past week, have you shown your love for your husband and your attachment to him — and do you do so at every opportunity, however strong the temptation to cross him?

20 - Can you show your true feelings, emotions, and conduct toward him, without any sense of having fallen short in your treatment of him and your love for him?