A Man Marries Two Women...!

It appears from the black statistical table that the mother-in-law is the second enemy of marital happiness, coming immediately after the adulteress.

Since the earliest times, authors and novelists have taken up the theme of "the mother-in-law, maker of tragedy" in everything they write or stage. The subject concerns all classes of society and all the different civilizations. That is because it presents one of the principal "situations" of humanity: the birth of one human cell from another, and then its being torn away from it in the end. In the language of the theater they say it is the conflict between motherly love and conjugal love.

The Casting of the Roles

Here the matter is knotted mechanically among three characters, as in the loftier plays: the mother-in-law, the daughter, and the wife (or daughter-in-law); or the mother-in-law, the daughter, and the son-in-law. Here the mother-in-law is the principal character, and the son-in-law or the daughter-in-law are the opposing figures. Usually the son or the girl is the positive victim; on one of them the drama turns, and for his sake the separation takes place. There remains—though not always—what the novelists call a "utility": that is, the father-in-law. If he is among the inhabitants of this world, his presence is of great use; but the tragedy is endless when the mother-in-law is a widow.

One must first look this harsh truth in the face: the tragedy of parting is inevitable. The only room for choice lies between an operation without tears and another with struggle and tears. It begins on the day after the wedding; if that day passes in peace, the happy ending is assured and the tragedy averted. But if you put everything off to the next day, the pain grows and the wound scars over all the more, with the addition of thousands of small daily trifles—and there lies the danger, all the danger.

An American psychologist named J. Bacal spoke recently about family problems and said: "The best mother-in-law is the one whose existence one ignores"—and he is entirely right in saying so.

When we look at this problem in the light of truth, it appears at once—despite everything the songs say—that she is not a comic figure but a pitiable one; that she is the one from whom the limb is severed in the case of separation, and that she needs special care, which concerns, in principle, the son-in-law or the daughter-in-law.

If You Are the Son-in-Law

The important thing is to begin well, and at once. The ideal plan is to realize that the time of diagnosis is the time of the engagement, and that the day of special care is the wedding day. The time of the operation is the first months of married life; and the time of convalescence is the time of restoring relations to a footing of friendship. After that, if everything passes in peace, understanding will prevail between the two divided generations, the new and the old. Each of these periods has its own way of behaving. And the first counsel:

Do not scorn advice. You are not the first man to marry. The mother-in-law problem is not your private case but a general one, and you must learn a great deal about it.

During the engagement, you must not confine your eye to your fiancée alone. In truth you are marrying two women: your fiancée and her mother. One to keep, and the other to lose (at least temporarily). It is essential to devote much of your attention to your future mother-in-law. As for your fiancée, you will have time, after she becomes your wife, to make up for whatever attention you failed to give her. But for your fiancée's mother, love, in her eyes, ends on the day of your wedding. The future relations between you and your mother-in-law will be just as you prepared them during the days of the engagement. You will not become "the pampered son of the house"; even if that title comes to you quickly, it is not true. You are the thief of the daughter. You will show yourself as such sooner or later. Try to feel with the other side, and to win approval for your theft not from the tips of the lips but from the depths of the heart.