If you, madam, follow the latest findings of "the science of heredity," and would like to know what your new child will be like — will he more resemble his father or his mother?
If you are most eager to know these secrets before the time of their appearing to the eye, and to explore nature's hidden things, here now are some laws of heredity whose results are all but fixed: —
1 — If one parent is tall and the other short, your child will most probably be short.
2 — If both parents are dark, their hair straight and their eyes black, all their children are born with exactly these traits, and rarely does one of them depart from them.
3 — If the mother has black eyes and black hair, and if she descends from a family all of whose members are just like her, she will bear dark children with black hair, even if the father is fair-haired and blue-eyed.
4 — If your hair, madam, is curly, and most of the members of your family are so, your child's hair will incline to curliness, even if his father's hair is straight.
5 — If one parent has long lashes, the likelier thing is that the child will be born long-lashed.
6 — If both parents together
have fair hair and blue eyes, then the expected likelihood is that the children will all come blue-eyed and fair-haired as well.
In this world, you cannot but make your way by yourself, and to do so you must have friends.
To make friends, you must be truthful; and to keep your friends, you must be steady and upright...
Remember always, my son, that faithful friends expect to take from you as much as they give you; and to forget a kindness they have done you, or to be ungrateful, is a crime — not merely a fault or a sin, but a real crime — and those who commit it are not long in receiving their due.
... And in your personal conduct, be courteous,
but without servility; and know with assurance that no man will respect you more than you respect yourself...
Avoid quarreling so far as you can find a way to it, but beware of keeping silent under a wrong that touches your dignity.
... Wound the feelings of no creature, whoever he may be... And beware of surrendering to the storm of your anger; if you wish to express your true feeling, or to defend your honor, do it calmly and with composure; and if your anger is fierce, wait a moment — perhaps the storm of your anger will subside — before you say what you wish to say.
This is my counsel to you, my son; remember it always, as you approach the threshold of the great, clamorous life.
Oxford Biscuits
Remember, madam, always to ask for Oxford Biscuits, for they are nourishing for the children and favored by your honored guests.