Why This Shyness!!?

When people talk about Salwa they say that she is so shy they cannot even converse with her. Even Salwa admits it, and says: "I sometimes feel that I have two different personalities. When I am with my family or my girl friends I feel at ease and cheerful, but with strangers... then I feel a fear so intense that I change completely, and cannot utter a word or a letter."

What is it that makes Salwa behave in this way?... It is the fear that, if she felt the ease and cheerfulness she lacks, she would say or do strange and abnormal things. And instead of being strong, facing the problem, and trying out how she ought to behave with strangers, she has surrendered and preferred defeat to facing the situation. If only she knew that every human being passes through moments in which he feels inferiority and shyness before strangers — and this is a natural thing. For were it not for trial and practice, we would not see among us skilled conversationalists and remarkable personalities.

When you feel fear or shyness at some gathering, remember who you are... and repeat in your mind phrases that affirm the facts to you and restore your confidence in yourself. If this method does not help, imagine those around you as people like yourself, who live and eat and do everything you do; this method makes them, in your eyes, human beings exactly like you.

Try to do everything with deliberation and slowness — in your speech, your laughter, and your walk. When you enter a hall crowded with strangers, pause a moment at the entrance until you gain a general idea of those present, and of where the hostess or some of your friends are, so that you may converse with them first. Try to become acquainted with the rest of the guests and with their tastes and their lives; you will thereby have found a subject for talking with them. Try to keep yourself occupied the whole time, whether in conversation, or in looking at pictures or flowers, or in helping the hostess to serve the refreshments. Listen closely to the one speaking with you, look up at his face, and follow the conversation with a nod from time to time. And do not fear that the nod will seem artificial, for if you listen well, you will find that you have forgotten yourself and begun to enjoy yourself, as they say; then you will notice that you have begun to speak with fluency and grace. Have faith in yourself. Be sure that people will not find you dull or odd unless that is your own feeling about yourself.