Dedicated to her who struggled and made of herself an offering laid upon the altar of the struggle... to her who made of her generous pen a refuge to fly to in hardship... to her.. to every lady who took her part in the struggle, I offer this piece of mine, congratulating her on the victory and
on the new era..
Weary am I.. weary, O mother!! What ails me? And what ails my heart, that its beats come so hard?? What — what can be the matter with my heart, I wonder??
It needs something, but it is far out of reach... It is fit for a beautiful wish, but one hard to fulfill...
Ah, wretched am I!!. My flute is laden... and my eyes send forth.. My days are nights for their misery.. and my nights are pitch-dark for their blackness!!.
Beat follows beat.. my heart needs to be quenched... it needs nourishment.. spiritual nourishment!! And how sacred is this nourishment it asks for.. It needs to be freed of its inward bonds, to be set loose!! — into its world, the world it loves; perhaps in that world for which it yearns lies the fulfillment of its desires and its sweet dreams.
Ah, it can no longer bear deprivation and its torment; it is all but perishing... Lighten, lighten its burden, O tears, for you know better than all the world the calls of my inmost self.. Weep, weep, O my soul, and fill the earth with rivers... for weeping is perfume to my heart, and the passing of my clouds...
Ah, why were you not, my heart, an unfeeling rock, that neither feels nor trusts?? Why were you not some solid thing, indifferent to all it senses?? Why are you a sensitive, worn-out string??. Why do I never hear you but weeping... never see you but complaining of oppression and tyranny??
But gently — no harm shall touch you, for your weeping is trills of joy.. and your complaint is wisdom!! Weep and complain, for I am listening to your trills and to your complaints!!
And upon its sad flute my heart played the melody of its misery at
the close of its past era... the era it held to be the era of oppression and tyranny, saying:
Poor are you, O Eastern woman, for you are deprived... You suffer from the disease of deprivation — and how dreadful is this disease that has come upon you... And yet, though I live with you and dwell between your ribs, to this hour I have not learned the reason for your deprivation.
I looked at your Western sister and saw her savoring complete freedom... enjoying her full rights... keeping pace with man in his works, with no difference between them.. And I looked at you both together, that I might find some excuse that bars you from being given your full rights, and some qualifying reason that moves the Westerners to give their women their full rights... and I see before my eyes nothing but oppression and tyranny.
So you grew great in my sight, and I held you sacred; I found in you the highest example for the women of your sex, for you are endowed with rare intelligence and strength.. and adorned with lofty character and strength of will...
As for your strength, it is in your deeds!! And your will and your resolve are in the grip of your hand!! So I saw you: a supreme example to be followed, a beacon by whose light men are guided!!. Then I set you beside your Western sister, and found you worthier and more deserving than she in everything... In any case, this deprivation of yours has its cause in the injustice of the era and the tyranny of the rule... But do not despair, for things will change soon...
With this strength I had not expected, and with this sure resolve, my heart played its
anthem... but at the close, in a voice so low it could scarcely be heard, it held out to me the promise that victory was near and that this era would pass, and assured me that these few clouds still before my eyes would soon be gone....
And I stayed sunk in myself until its voice faded away and I heard it no more!!
Then I stirred, weeping... to hear that immortal melody once again, and to learn how and when this era would pass, and with it oppression and tyranny... But I could hear nothing any longer... My melody was gone; my flute was lost, and my way went astray!!!
The universe turned its round, and time turned with it — and behold, truth overturned falsehood, and justice triumphed over tyranny... and behold, my heart's prophecy came true: one era departs and another era comes..!..!.
Here I stood up, moved by something within me, and behold, I was other than I had been — joyful!! It was as though I felt a curtain fall away from my heart... I looked toward the far horizon, and behold, the sullen clouds I used to see had vanished... Then I understood what had been in me, and what had lain hidden in my heart...
Yes — my heart had been an echo of the era of justice and peace.. and of the triumph of its cause...
But today, in this blessed new era, after the Lebanese woman has been given her rights, I have felt strength, as though my self were no longer my self.
I have tasted the sweetness of victory and the delight of triumph; my heart has found rest after weariness, and joy after misery...
I have understood well the cause of my misery and my wretchedness in the past.. and I have touched the cause of my deprivation!! And I have understood the cause of my weeping and my moaning...
Today my cry and my moaning have fallen silent... my wretched melody has gone... my sad flute is lost... but I have become strong, full of hope in the new era, victorious..