The Ideal Husband

From time long past, woman has walked in all meekness according to the advice given her on how to please man, and so become the perfect wife.

Today, however, woman has revolted against the old order of things, and here she is, searching for the ideal husband as she imagines him. We have seen published what one woman says on this subject:

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★ He must be truly convinced that only by virtue of my marrying him has he been distinguished above the members of his sex absolutely; and, acting upon this lofty and enviable election, he must never one day wish he were Robert Taylor or Aly Khan!

★ He must keep the promises with which I flattered my hopes in the days when he was courting me — or at the least do his utmost to fulfill 25 percent of them.

★ And since he never led me to believe that my eyes were like black diamonds and my lips like deep-red coral — for I knew that such talk was meaningless — he must know now that he commits a greater folly by repeating those same descriptions to other women.

★ I want him strong, not silent. The strong silent man is attractive in novels and in fancy; in real life he is an utterly tiresome person. When I say "I love good talkers," I mean conversation — not a string of jokes shot through with mocking laughter. More than once I have watched the marks of despair settle over the faces of wives at the hearing of such jests.

★ No woman surpasses me in fondness for a husband who shines in company, for there is nothing worse than to hear it said within my hearing, "What can she see in him, this husband?" God preserve me from the shy man whose conduct ends in failure, who is overcome by confusion whenever he enters a room, or is at a loss how to get out of it.

★ Though the company of his friends gives me no pleasure, I do my utmost to please them; in return I expect from him indulgence toward my women friends — not forgetting that women's chatter bores men to a loathsome degree. So after he has hastened to meet them and make them welcome, I shall be entirely ready to accept the flimsiest of his excuses, that he may escape our company.

★ That he keep to his bed when I pronounce him ill.

★ That he absolutely never let his beard grow, and that he keep up his shaving every day. And if it should occur to him to grow his mustache long, the condition is that its two tips be neither sharp nor bristling.

★ That he not go bald. And if that must befall him, that he not wear a toupee (false hair).

★ That he not exaggerate in reciting his troubles as though my troubles had no existence.

★ And I implore God that jealousy not gnaw at my heart so long as my husband admires women who surpass me in beauty, elegance, and brilliance. But let him beware if he takes up with some contemptible creature of the third rank, brazen in her ways, defiant!!

★ That he not treat my trifling concerns with unconcern, being ever convinced that happiness is impossible unless I share it with him.

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And we well know, dear reader (and dear lady reader), your opinion of these conditions, and how fitting it would be to hear you say: "Any female who obtains such a marvel must be extraordinarily lucky." Then you add mockingly: "Rather, show me a woman who does not surrender to love — and so her dreams have 'Gone with the Wind!'"