The Sleep Problem in Children

• Let your child fall asleep in his cradle without rocking or lulling.

• Fix his times for sleeping and waking firmly and decisively...

• Secure him a short period of rest before bedtime, and do not accustom him to exciting or frightening stories.

• Accustom him to sleep alone after his second year.

My friend said:

The secret of my success in raising my children goes back to my constant reading of every valuable study published on the problems of childhood. I shall never forget what one of the specialist physicians said in his studies on the problem of sleep: that one must begin instilling good sleep habits from the child's birth, for he ought to fall asleep in his cradle without anyone's help. There is no need whatever to rock him or lull him, nor should we let him fall asleep at his nurse's breast, or give him a rubber nipple to amuse himself with until drowsiness steals over him and he dozes off — because if we resort to such devices, the child grows accustomed to being unable to sleep without them.

As for the hours of sleeping and waking and the times of the midday nap, these must be fixed firmly and without variation. Some parents are often inclined to move the child's bedtime earlier or later as suits themselves — wishing, for instance, to show the little one off to friends invited to dinner at an hour when he ought to be in his bed. But this is the very essence of error, for we grown-ups have no right to tamper with the child's private life and violate its sanctity — for the preservation of his health and the safeguarding of his good upbringing.

It is entirely natural for a child to complain and fidget when we oblige him to leave a toy he is playing with, or a scene that delights him, and order him to withdraw alone to his bedroom. He may resort to screaming or to shedding tears if his past experience has taught him that this serves to get him his wishes. But if the parents take a firm stand and are not swayed by these displays and whims, the child will soon give up the habit and submit to the will of his elders.

If the child rests for a short while from every kind of bodily movement — after a day full of fun and play, or after mental activity, studying in particular — before he goes to bed, it is a great help to him in surrendering to a calm, deep sleep as soon as he lies down. Whereas continuous play at the hour of retiring, or listening to an exciting tale, or to some radio program that tempts him to come back and go on sitting up, is very often the cause of long hours of wakefulness and restlessness in bed.

And often the story that was merely exciting in the sitting room becomes a thing of terror in the child's imagination. No sooner does he find himself alone in the quiet bedroom, cloaked in darkness, than the heroes of the story take shape before his eyes in a frightening, agitating frame.

My friend went on: That is why I never let my children face situations of this kind. And the reason is utterly simple: I take charge of supervising them myself, and I never approve of entrusting such delicate matters to servants and nursemaids.

I answered her approvingly:

You do well. But for heaven's sake, tell me: what do you do if, some evening, you have to leave the house to answer an invitation before the little ones' bedtime? She smiled and said: My guide in raising my children is truthfulness and frankness to the furthest possible limit. If I must leave the house in such circumstances, I let them know of it. In the past this used to drive them to tears and protest, but a few tears shed are far easier for me to bear than the loss of their trust in me, if I were to take up lying and misleading them, deceiving them with fabricated tales, as some parents — sadly — do. Such parents may think it a kindness to the little one to assure him that they are close by, in the next room, and then to steal away outside once the child has fallen asleep. It sometimes happens that he wakes during their absence and bursts into tears, running in terror about the room, finding it hard to bear that his father and mother have made sport of him with their lies and tricks. And the child may grow up and come of age still resentful of their conduct, marked by the memories of the past.

All this my friend recounted, while my admiration kept growing for her sincerity, her fine understanding of the child's sensitive psychology, and her skill in keeping the reins of his affairs in her hands.

I wanted to put one last question to her: Do you approve of excessive protection of the child? She answered me with calm and poise: There is, my dear, a plain difference among children in their innate sensitivity to cold and heat, sound and light, kinds of food, and emotional situations. And yet the ordinary child, if he is well trained and accustomed to regular hours for sleep and meals, and if the general order of his life does not hang on the whims of grown-ups, has no further need of any sort of protection where he sleeps. For it is easy for the little one to grow used to sinking into sleep despite sounds and lights and other such factors. It is well known that the excessive precautions some parents take to prepare the best possible conditions for the child — whether by way of excessive covering, or total quiet, or pitch darkness — produce a heightened sensitivity and an overwrought delicacy in his earliest days. Nor must you be lax in accustoming the child to sleep alone after his second year: beyond that stage of life there is nothing to justify a child's sleeping in his parents' room. If his elders succeed in instilling these habits in him from his tenderest years, their work will count, beyond doubt, as a notable victory in taming the child's whims and setting him on a good road toward independence and self-reliance.