remaining days, craving the ring of metal — of the scanty piaster coins — in my barren handbag!
Money does not matter to me; what matters to me is the result of our melting it down into fruitful ends:
I bought a coat, and an evening dress, and shoes. And here I am, like all the girls!
I, with my coat and my dress and my shoes, am close to the people... I came down to them, made myself like them, matched my aim to their aims, plunged into the stream of their existence toward the appointed end! And so I forgot who I am. My thoughts grew feeble. I lost myself in their tumult; my fear was scattered!
And I shall not forget this tyranny I gained — this challenge, poised to spring at anyone who scatters my parcels among the feet, so that I would thrust my five fingers into his eyes and deprive him of light forever!
And I waited, with the crowd into which I had dissolved, for: the end.
The end...
The end comes creeping, lame, stumbling toward its destiny... and the world, all of it, is glitter. And dancing. And good cheer. And going. And coming. And games. And sweets. And songs. And visits and weddings...
As for the beginning...
The beginning rushes on at a run, leaving around me a tremendous din, like the din of the giants of legend in their stride! And in the decisive moment... between the death-throes and the birth:
Perfume billows through the halls, settling upon the seats. Pearls flash on the soft bare necks. The music moans under the players' fingertips. The body strains within the tight, elegant gowns. Drink runs through the
yielding joints. And the feet begin to move... and the melody goes mad! And the steps rise in revolt! And the dress flies! And cheek bends to cheek! And an arm winds around a neck! And a breast presses against a chest, and consciousness soars far away!
And the light goes out...
And in the darkness lips close upon lips. And murmurs flood over the walls, like a weary torrent: a year of good and happiness!
A year. And good. And happiness.
And at once they take up the duties of the year. And the duties of the good. And the duties of happiness: they gamble
and get drunk. And they cut the night to pieces upon the white, trembling coat of morning!
Is this the end? And is that the beginning? Are these vain games? False customs we have inherited?
And I gathered up the scattered fragments of my dissolved being, in the tumult of the crowd... I know when I shall put on the coat, and the dress, and the shoes. I know when I shall put out the light. I know when I shall move my feet. I know when I shall beam. I know when I shall rest cheek upon cheek... And I know more than that. I know:
when I begin, each time, and when I end.
Silvana
The favorite Swiss watch
at the best price
SILVANA
SNIP