The Father's Report

A mother left her three children in their father's charge and went off alone to spend the weekend with some relatives. On her return Sunday evening, she found that her husband — a practical man — had left her a report on the results of his care of the children during her absence. Here is its text:

Trips to buy balloons — three per child
Average "life" of each balloon — 10 seconds
Drying of tears — 9 times
Tying of shoelaces — 12 times
Visits to the bathroom — 14 times
Compliance with bedtime — 0 times!
Warnings to the children against crossing the street — 17 times
Crossings of the street by the children — 19 times
Wiping of running noses — 3 times
Nerves on edge — 31 times
Feeling the urge "to scream" — 31 times
Possibility of repeating the experiment — 0 times!