The Memoirs of the Duchess of Windsor - Installment Eleven - The King's Friends Spirit Wallis Out of England

The King decides to abdicate if Parliament does not grant his request. And no one will turn him from this resolve.

Such was the state of affairs when I left the Fort, which had been, for me, the wellspring of inspiration, the stronghold of hopes and dreams; the December fog wrapped itself around me, and I felt a heavy darkness closing over my hopes, my inspiration, and my life. Only one place remained before me — France. And I was certain that I would not return to England, that I would never see its soil again.

The boat sailed from Newhaven at ten o'clock at night; I sat in the car that carried me to it in silence, not uttering a syllable. The parting was so moving that it struck me dumb, and kept me in an atmosphere of contemplation and thought.

My escort "Perry" sank into a silence like mine; for he felt with me, and bore a great loyalty to the royal crown, and so his position had become difficult. He, together with George Allen and Walter Monckton, thought of one thing only: to preserve the crown and the King, and to remove me from the scene without my losing my self-respect and my dignity. Perry had been put forward to explain the situation to me and to persuade me that I must give up the King so long as he would not give me up, and then that I should leave the country while there was still a chance of saving us... The conspiring friends had learned that the King would be in London on December 3, to conduct his business and to meet Mr. Baldwin, and so my departure from the Fort took place during the King's absence from it — this being, of course, a plan contrived by those devoted friends, as I have said. I was turning all this over in my memory as I made my way to the coast, and I thought that there must be other hidden things I had not been able to learn of. And so Perry began talking to me again in all innocence, asking me the reasons that had compelled me to leave the Fort, and with such speed.

I answered him simply that what had driven me to all this was my fear for the King, and then my wish to get out of his way... This friend could not keep up the pretense to the end, and I felt his voice change in an instant as he repeated: "I have never doubted your mature judgment, Wallis. This was the best plan you could have followed. Are you sorry to have left England?" I answered coldly that all I wanted was to get as far away as possible, to any place at all, to be done with this uproar and commotion.

I threw out this phrase in weariness, and felt my head spinning, and matters growing confused, so that I did not know how to break through to the light of deliverance; and I do not know how my question came out, dry and harsh: "And now, tell me, what do you want? And where do you want to arrive?"

He answered once more, calmly: "Matters are more difficult than you imagine"; and he signaled to the driver to stop for a moment, then added in a whisper: "What I want to say is that the King will not remain in England after you have left it..."

I answered him hotly: "He will stay; they will not let him go — no..." And Perry shook his head, repeating: "You are mistaken, Wallis. The King has decided to abdicate if Parliament does not grant his request, and no one will turn him from this resolve."

I looked at Perry in stupefaction, then asked him what I was to do. He advised me to give up going to "Cannes" and to content myself with reaching "Belton," adding: "Your nearness is a comfort to the King; he will not feel that you have left him forever, and from Belton you can influence him, so that he will not rush into any decision."

And I came back to reality: David loses his head if anyone interferes with a plan he has drawn up. Perry knew that, and knew that he was embarking on a dangerous adventure which might cost him the King's confidence in him... yet he was ready to do anything to keep the King upon his throne.

I did not understand, at that moment, how my going to "Belton" instead of "Cannes" could change the situation; my separation from David was final, however near or far the distance between us; and I, who knew him well, was certain that no power could change the King's mind. And now, whatever happened, the blame would fall upon me: if the King abdicated, it would be thought that he had done it under my influence, and it would be said that I had brought it about out of fear of losing him forever.

And I said to him in my turn: "Consider that until this very morning I was a complete stranger to the people of Britain; there is no one to defend me. But I am certain of one solution, and that is to get out of the King's way — and that is exactly what I am doing now."

Perry fell silent, and likewise he no longer discussed with me the subject of my going back to Belton. I was right to leave Britain; and as I crossed the Channel I forgot my own existence, which had turned into nothingness, and throughout the crossing to "Newhaven" I kept thinking how I might persuade the King to remain on the throne and give up the idea of marriage. I went over with Perry a list of the King's friends who might be able to influence him, and our choice fell on Lord Derby, for whom the King bore every respect. I tried to reach him by telephone, but could not; and soon I found myself in the suite Perry had reserved in the name of Mr. and Mrs. Harris. Thus the golden opportunity slipped from my hand, and we had to continue the journey to "Cannes." It was two o'clock in the morning when we reached the "Hôtel de la Poste," and fatigue had so overcome me that I could scarcely take off my clothes; I climbed onto the bed to recover some of my strength... and I was aware of nothing more until the hour a knock came at the door and Perry entered to wake me, assuring me that we were late. So I could not bathe to refresh myself; with lightning speed I drank a cup of tea, took a little food, and went down the stairs behind Perry, so that no one should notice my presence. Whenever I met a group of people, eyes would stare at me — those eyes I had come to avoid, and to fear. And when I got into the car, it was surrounded by a wall of strangers, all eager to look at me.

My mind returned to revolve around a single subject: reaching David. I began to wait for the first opportunity that would allow me to speak to him; I wanted to persuade him not to follow his emotion. But where could I stop without my identity being discovered, or the newspapers pursuing me? We even followed a special route on our way toward "Cannes," and passed through "Évreux." I knew the town from before, and knew a small hotel where we could stop without the passing cars catching sight of ours; and from there I spoke to him under the name of "Mr. James" — a name I had agreed upon with David for private calls — and I remember that I put into the call the following:

Mr. James must on no account compromise himself; he must consult the wise men and the old friends, among them Duff Cooper, Lord Derby, and the Aga Khan... and do not be hasty in taking any decision...

Meanwhile Perry was guarding the door... And I heard David's voice coming from far away, as though he were speaking to me from another world. He was astonished at my being in Évreux, so I let him know that we had done it in order to throw the press off the scent. I did not hear all that he said, and I understood afterward that he had tried to warn me against going on to "Cannes," because the French papers had learned the news of my journey, and the journalists had gathered in front of the Rogers villa awaiting me. My own voice likewise could not be heard, and I began shouting with all my strength; Perry came and helped me so that the warning might reach the King — but all he kept repeating was: "Why did we stop at Évreux?"