hope... I spent the whole night dreaming of the sun.. and the moon.. and the stars.. and Layla's face, and I stayed in my room listening to the ticking of the clock telling me the hour...
On Monday morning a successful operation was performed on me, and from it I came out
a sound man, who could see... I found my world, and saw life, and gazed upon the spring as though it were opening for me alone. For me — the blind man!!
Grasping the things I saw was not hard, for I still remembered them. But my feeling toward them had changed: I now contemplated whatever I saw and never wearied of it. I saw beauty in everything: in the sun and its light, in the mountains... in the hills.. in the seas, and in every one of nature's appearances. And I thanked my Lord with every glance I stole from nature... and I found in the fragrance of spring a scent sweeter than what it had been the day before...
Afterward I would shut my eyes and open them again, to savor the grain of happiness I had won after deprivation..
And I woke from my rejoicing to find myself lost in this great city, all of whose windings I had known yesterday, and I fell to asking the passers-by the way to the convent!.. In the past I had walked it with ease; and I began laughing at myself — seeing and blind at the same time. Was this how I lost my way, now that I could see! And I shut my eyes, hoping thus to be guided by memory alone.
I hastened my steps toward the convent — and would that I had not! What my imagination had
built in the days of darkness crumbled away. There I searched for Layla, and when the searching had worn me out I began calling her at the top of my voice:
— Layla.. where are you? I have come back.. I can see.. Layla..
At last I found her, hiding in a dark corner... and I gazed at her a long while..
And I felt the pain of disappointment as I buried my dreams. I had found her — alas — an ugly doll.. She was flabby, small of head, and on her narrow forehead were the marks of burns; in short, she was a laughable picture!
I left her, after the room had rung with my mocking laughter, and went to the kitchen, hoping to make good there some of my imaginings. But I found Hassan the cook in a shape that in no way agreed with the picture I had drawn of him. He too was ugly. And I went back to my room dragging disappointment and sorrow behind me, and wondering at this convent that had sheltered nothing but ugliness..
On the morning of the next day I went to the courtyard to look at the drawings I had made while blind.. and I found in those pictures another occasion for mockery: the crosses were crooked and out of proportion. As for the steps of the ladder by which I had once believed I would climb to heaven... they were laughable indeed — more like the rungs of a fire brigade's rope ladder!
Days passed, and I grew used to the sight of things, and became as though another man. Nature no longer astonished me, nor did beauty enchant me... One evening I came to the convent when everyone was asleep.. I slipped into my room, and there upon my pillow I found a letter from Layla, in which she said:
Dear Sami,
I am now farther from you than I have ever been in my life, so I do not fear the effect of my letter upon you...
Yesterday you lifted me out of nothingness, and I am not forgetful of the past nor ungrateful for it. But today you have gone far — very far — from my world..
Your world is a mean one, my dear! Your world is selfishness — I saw that in how you changed when you came to live in it. And, as you see, I contradict myself: I love a human being who lives in a world I hate... You are a piece of that hollow life — would that you had never seen it!
Do not wonder — for in my prayers I asked God to take from you that hideous thing... sight. If you looked at yourself now you would grasp what I mean.. You are the empty life; while we — we see what we wish to see as it truly is. I see you noble, brave, gay; but your judgment of me was upon my shape!! No.. do not tear up this paper yet... I attempted the impossible in order to see, hoping thereby to hate you as you hated me.. but I did not succeed: the doctor denied me my one hope — to look upon you — while he granted you the sight of all existence... And I felt sorrow seeping into my soul.. and afterward I rejoiced at my sickness even as I wept for your life... No! do not object; remember the words of Christ:
"If you were blind, you would have no sin."
As for you — yesterday you were without law, and you lived. And when the commandment came, sin came alive and you died. As for me, God granted me the gift of life, and I fancied it incomplete — so forgive me, my God..
I wept that evening, and my tears