I was far from manhood when this happened... I was seventeen and a half years old, and I did not meet my responsibility face to face.

I had a companion... Jean Ellis... small... sweet... blue-eyed... She was not my sweetheart, but between us there was a kind of closeness that was bound to turn into love... had I given it the chance.

But I was restless, feeling that the line of my life had already been drawn... and that no place had been left on the white map for me to draw on myself...

I wanted to join the army, and my mother rose up against the idea... but my father and my sister Mary approved it, so I carried it through... And so I went with my father, passed the medical examination, and then departed.

My God... the army was not the great and marvelous game that gives youngsters like me the pleasure of a lifetime... And so my longing for home awoke... for my parents and Mary... and Jean... Why had I not stayed in Talmont?... We would by now have been thinking of marriage — Jean and I — even though neither of us had, up to that hour, said the trembling word: I love you!

I came home on my first leave... and on the second night after my return I had a date with Jean.

I said to her: Did you miss me?... And she whispered: Oh, Jud, you don't know how much I missed you... And I felt myself a person of great importance... and I held her until she stopped crying, and kissed her.

She did not push me away, and that was her great mistake, for in that hour everything was blotted out before me except desire... She stiffened hard, but I pressed hard, and the fire of my pleading melted her firmness... I told her: I leave tomorrow, and from there... from under the tent, I will go on feeling that we are one, not two... that we have not parted... and that I have a girl waiting for me.

After that night my feeling toward Jean changed... I went to bid her goodbye before my departure, but I had to force myself to go... I was ashamed of this feeling of mine... in revolt against myself, trying to convince her that what had happened happens often.

In camp I met Roy Fletcher, who introduced me to Stella Fleming... She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen... two big black eyes that said "I am happy"... and a rich red mouth that said to you at first meeting "kiss me"...

And yet she could stop you at your limit in a moment... All the charm I had used with Jean failed with Stella... and after six weeks I spoke to her of marriage, and she accepted.

There were troubled little hours when I thought of Jean, and I would hurry to convince myself that we had not been made for each other... and that Jean herself would not have me if she knew I loved another.

You can believe anything if you are determined to believe it, and I believed that Jean would not wait for me... that I had not even been the first man in her life... That was then; now I see clearly that Jean trusted me... loved me... handed me her future... and that Stella knew men better — she would not trust a man until his ring was on her finger.

I took my fiancée to Talmont, and she charmed my family... Besides her beauty she had a special magnetism... My mother drew me aside and said: And what about Jean? I said uneasily: We were never serious... She said: In any case, my son, you must see her and tell her about Stella before she hears it from someone else...

And I went... Jean looked ill... She had heard the news... She was silent a long while, then whispered, staring at the ground: Jud, I am going to be a mother...

And I felt a knife driven into my stomach, and stayed silent.

And Jean whispered: Please.

I did not see her eyes, but I understood what lay behind the word "please"...

Please help me... don't abandon me... say you love me and everything will be easy.

I said: I suppose we ought to marry... The words came out forced, and Jean understood and cried out in fury:

No... we will not marry if you don't want to... I