Ask What You Will

Q — I am a student at one of Beirut's schools, sixteen years old. I have a young man friend who shows me every affection and paints married life — and running away with him — in glowing colors, but my family gives me no opening to broach this subject with them, and I incline to marriage more than I incline to study. What is your opinion of my problem?
W.M., Beirut

A — It is natural, at your age, to be affected by a young man's talk and to be led along by it. But do you not think that, so long as you are still a student, you ought to direct all your attention to your studies? When you have finished your schooling, you may then think seriously about the subject of marriage. For now, act on your family's advice, for they doubtless want every happiness for you. And we have little confidence in a young man who talks with a girl like you at the turnings of the streets... It would better become him to visit you at home, in full view of your family, if his intentions are as sound as you would wish.

Q — Ever since my girlhood I have had no liking for the bald man, and especially the fat one, and I always dreamed of marrying a slender, attractive young man. I have now reached an age at which I must think seriously of marriage, and my hand has been asked by a young man possessed of several fine qualities, but physically he is the opposite of what I dreamed. Shall I refuse him, as usual, or take the risk of accepting him as a husband?
S.B., Damascus

A — It is well known that of the qualities a maiden dreams of in the man who is to become her partner, scarcely half are ever realized. You would do well to be wise and to take this young man into consideration, for it is impossible to find all the traits you love in a man gathered together in the young man who comes forward to ask for your hand. The psychologists have established that the bald, stout man is generally more faithful to his wife, and more considerate of her, than any other. And love very often comes as the fruit of companionship and mutual respect. So if you respect this young man and admire him, do not hesitate, and do not let this trivial reason stand as an obstacle to your marriage.

Q — I am a teacher in one of the private schools, and I know that punishment is not looked upon with favor; but if it must be, what are the most successful methods you would suggest I use with the little ones?

A — Modern education says that keeping away from punishment, and doing without it, is the ideal course to follow with the young. But there are difficult situations that compel the educator to resort to punishment, and here you must first understand the child's psychology, so as to be certain of the things that affect him — such as depriving him of something he delights in, or of a responsibility he had been carrying out which no other pupil enjoyed. Punishment depends on the kind of offense committed; the punishment must fit the offense and have an effective result, one that makes the child understand the reason for the punishment and keeps him from repeating the offense.

Q — I have a son of twelve whose disposition has changed of late: he has become full of questions, and I believe the confusion in his behavior arises from certain remarks he has heard from his companions about sexual relations. I am at a loss and do not know what my attitude toward him should be. Shall I ignore the matter and let him find out everything from his companions, or shall I tell him the truth myself?
J.T., Tripoli

A — It is a very great mistake to leave your child, up to this age, to stumble upon the facts of life while you stand aside in the attitude of a spectator! And who has a better right to enlighten your son than you yourself? These are your duties: take him aside at the first opportunity and make the facts of sex clear to him in a clean, parental atmosphere. And look into his companions, get to know them, and make certain that they are well brought up. Very often boys, even before your son's age, undergo “dirty” sexual experiences whose cause is their ignorance of these facts. So mend your mistake with him, lest something happen to him that may become a cause of his resentment against you.

Q — I am a lady of middle age, with some measure of culture, and surrounded by unusual circumstances that all but cut me off from the social life of this age. I subscribe to the magazine “The Woman's Voice,” and this section you have opened in your magazine has pleased me greatly. I take a special delight in reading, but it is difficult for me to hunt in the public bookshops for the books that suit me. Can you direct me to a way of acquainting myself easily with the various new books?
F.N., Dhour El Choueir

A — Yes. There is the magazine “Al-Kitab,” published by Dar al-Ma'arif in Egypt. Besides being a magazine of high standard that treats the profound subjects requiring some thought, it reviews all the newly published books and criticizes them with a criticism free of any ulterior motive; thereby it renders the reader a great service, helping him to choose the books that suit him and giving him a summary idea of the movement of authorship in every Arab country. And in Lebanon there is the magazine Al-Adib.
“The Woman's Voice” will open a section on the books a woman ought to read — so watch for it.