The Family Is Three Hypostases

To inquire into the makeup of the family is nothing other than to examine the makeup of the nation, for the latter, taken as a whole, is an enlarged picture of the members of the family, as is well known. For this reason I consider inquiry into this a purely vital matter. The means of success for human society are secured only by the reform and refinement of each of its families, as the evidence of circumstances in every time and place shows.

Nor does it escape the mind that the family of sound constitution, free of bodily and mental infirmities, forms by its mutual support and mutual striving an active, wise nation that knows the rights it possesses and the duties it owes.

As for the weak, deformed family whose bonds are sundered, it forms by its faltering a feeble, submissive nation, wandering through every valley of error and enslavement, so that no long time passes over its existence before its links come apart and it becomes an easy morsel... in the mouth of that valiant family searching for a source of livelihood for its children — since it finds among its own members none capable of resistance, because each one of them goes his own way, singing of his own Layla, or, as the poet said: like a feather flying where the wind blows, never settling, for restlessness, upon any state.

The family is composed of three hypostases: father, mother, and child. The father is the lord of the family and its master; it falls to him to support it, to attend to its affairs, and to offer the flower of his life not for himself alone but for his wife and children — that is, to share with his wife her concern for rearing and educating them soundly, free of every flaw; to seize every opportunity to hold a gathering in his home in which he strengthens the bond of his family, so that understanding may grow among its members and happiness then reign in his house, with the banner of success and well-being fluttering above it; and to be a good example, discharging in the best manner his moral and material duties toward them, and keeping far from places of suspicion and corruption.

The mother is the guardian angel of the family and the steward of the management of her house, watching over it with an eye of care and vigilance. She is either a modern, up-to-date mother, in whom her husband sees a companion foreign to him in her opinions and her character, who knows him as a husband only when she is in need of his money; and in whom her children see a woman playing the young girl, who cares for nothing in the affairs of her family's life but the adorning of herself and her dress, and the rest of such display and dandification, the following of the new fashions and the well-known sorts of amusements.

Or she is an ignorant one, whom her husband takes as a mount for accomplishing his ends, and whom her children find to be a servant for meeting their needs. This is among the greatest obstacles that stand in the way of the forming of the family — for the true mother must be the axis upon which the happiness of the home turns — and she must sacrifice everything, cheap or dear, and deny herself for the sake of her family's comfort, and plant in the minds of her children the spirit of virtue and piety, and the love of the great Creator, whom all that is fine and beautiful in nature reveals. Yes, my sister: accustom your children to order and tidiness, and do not turn a blind eye to their faults; rather be to them a wise guide and an intimate friend in their prosperity and their adversity. Be to your life's partner a faithful, good wife who attends to what suits his taste and his temperament, so that when he returns from his work after the day's toil he finds your house an earthly paradise and your gentle talk sweet and delicious, making it pleasant for him to remain near you — for the home must be the center of your family happiness together.

The child: in the stage of childhood the child suffers agonies from his parents' neglect of his affairs and their turning to other matters, without taking him under their wing. So there takes root in his innocent, pure soul, from his tenderest years, a certain indifference toward those ties; and though he does not feel it as a child, nor is conscious of it as a youth, he does not value his home relations at their true worth. Indeed, when he has grown and matured a little and has touched that tenderness as with his own hand, he goes out into the world bewildered, not knowing whom to choose among his fellows, nor distinguishing the lean from the

fat; and it is not long before he drinks in bad principles from evil companions and grows up in corruption, for it is of his nature to be reckless, obstinate, and adventurous in the base modern things whose means lie ready before him. And sometimes the two parents stand at opposite poles: they tend that youngster with feelings of pity and tenderness, yet they give him free rein, and there grows in him the spirit of pampering and coddling — or, in plainer and clearer words, the spirit of rebellion and disobedience. He defies their orders and surrenders to the whims of his soul — and the soul is ever inciting to evil. In this case it is incumbent on the parents — who are their children's first teachers, and who hold authority over them — to keep to the limit of moderation in rearing them and in correcting their bad habits with wisdom and deliberateness. He spoke truly who said:

Branches, when you straighten them, come straight;
but wood, when you would straighten it, will not bend.

There is a further matter of importance with regard to the child: teaching him self-reliance and courage. For some parents frighten their children, when they disobey their orders, by picturing to them imaginary things with mouths gaping wide to swallow them; that terrible image becomes fixed in their minds, and they surrender themselves wholly to cowardice and to fear of it. And a family cannot be made up of cowards. Counsel, in the case of a fault, given in a gentle and judicious way, breeds in the child self-respect and courage, and guides him to the path of what is right.

Then there is the school stage, in which the child rubs shoulders with schoolfellows of differing dispositions. It is the duty of his parents to visit his school from time to time, to learn the conduct of those with whom he keeps company, and to advise him to mix only with those whose home and school upbringing is sound.

Then, if the child — boy or girl — becomes accustomed from an early age to frequenting literary gatherings, this principle grows within him as he grows, and he walks the straight road that must be walked.

It is clear from the foregoing that with children in the stage of childhood, the responsibility for bad upbringing falls upon their parents and no one else; and once they have grown up with those traits devoid of refinement, they are driven in their turn to form a family of fallen principles.