Adolescence and Puberty

In the orchard there is a growing young tree, and on it a bud that has begun to open, spreading its folded little petals bit by bit until at last it becomes a lovely flower.

What is our attitude toward this phenomenon, in which we watch beauty coming into being? Not an attitude of anxiety and fear, nor of despair or pessimism. On the contrary, it is one of joy and delight, for the green bud will turn tomorrow into a flower of dazzling color. We observe its slow growth without weariness or agitation; we await its full unfolding calmly and hopefully, and we take special care to nourish the plant, to protect it from all harm, and to come to its aid when necessary, so that it may grow strong and upright.

Adolescence is the age at which youth comes into flower. It is also the age that grown-ups have been accustomed to regard with apprehension and wariness. Today we see not the slightest cause or reason for this, for this stage of a girl's life is nothing but an astonishing phase of normal growth, holding all the wonder of the flower bursting forth from the dewy bud.

Adolescence has its problems. And which of us is without problems? But the girl herself is not a problem, and it is essential that we distinguish between the two things, so as to guard against the misunderstanding that prevents her from being given the guidance she needs.

The growth of girls and boys proceeds in a parallel, similar fashion until somewhere between the ages of nine and eleven; after that, the girl's rate of growth exceeds the boy's for three or four years, since she enters puberty before he does; then the two return to keeping pace with each other in their degree of growth after sixteen or seventeen.

"The green bud will turn tomorrow into a flower of dazzling color; we observe its slow growth without weariness or agitation; we await its full unfolding calmly and hopefully..."

But we notice great differences among individuals in this respect, so much so that we may say we cannot find two children who resemble each other exactly in the pattern of their growth or in the way they pass from childhood to adolescence and puberty. Woman, however, is distinguished from man by early maturity, and that is one of the characteristics of her sex.

Nor is maturity confined to a single kind. There is sexual maturity, which occurs with the appearance of menstruation in girls and is accompanied by visible growth in the reproductive organs. There is mental maturity, the age of whose onset is very difficult to fix because it depends so heavily on external factors. And the same holds true of emotional or moral maturity. As a rule, growth stops in girls at the age of twenty and in boys at about twenty-five.

Among the marks of this age is its possessor's desire to grow, to create, and to invent — a new and insistent desire too large for the mind of a girl who has not yet outgrown childhood's ways of thinking; and because she is unable to give that desire a tangible form, she becomes prone to emotional disturbance, perplexity, and confusion.

In this state we must not cross her, for we should then collide with her new inclination toward independence; nor may we kill that desire in her by frightening and threatening, for by doing so we only increase her anxiety and agitation. Nor have we any right to regard her as a "problem," lest we drive her to doubt herself and she become a problem in fact. All she needs is a stretch of time "to grow," a measure of guidance and care, and above all else she needs a person who understands her completely, wins her confidence, and helps her over the rough paths. And who is more deserving of that confidence than her mother?

Adolescence is also called the phase of painful, frightening doubt. For the old values that were everything in the life of childhood have now vanished without making way for new values to take their place. The desire to grow becomes swifter than the degree of growth, the love of invention greater than the capacity for it, and the result is that failure leads to doubt — the girl's doubt of herself and of all the things her mind cannot grasp.

Yet it is possible to lighten her difficulties — and also the difficulties that parents and teachers encounter on her account — to lighten them to the utmost degree, by helping her to rid herself of doubt and to replace it with confidence and assurance. And let us note here that the air of boastfulness and defiance in which a girl at this age so often appears is nothing but a mask behind which she hides her confusion and the turmoil of her thoughts.

But anxiety is dispelled by knowledge. It is enough that we tell the girl the truth, and her fears will scatter as a ray of sunshine scatters the clouds. Let us tell her that everything she feels, and every change that comes over her thoughts and feelings, is a natural and inevitable thing; that her problems are not strange, obscure matters, nor hers alone; and that modern science has studied these problems thoroughly and found for them solutions that suit her and guarantee her happiness.

Most children look up to their companions as ideals and copy from them speech, deed, appearance, and gesture. That is natural and necessary for normal growth on both the mental and the social sides, provided imitation does not go to excess until the child loses her own personality. So if your daughter says to you, at every request or question, "All the girls do it this way," you must warn her against blind imitation and urge her to act for herself. At other times you can only go along with her, if she wishes to keep pace with her times and to make a proper appearance in gatherings and social circles.

"To be continued"