What Do You Know About Marriage?

Marriage — from whatever angle you take it — is very nearly the most popular topic of conversation among women, married or unmarried. The wonder is that the majority of women are ignorant of the truth of this captivating subject, and set claims and mistaken opinions in the place of its facts. For example — do not most of us believe that a young wife is better able to adapt herself than one older than she? I was one of those who held this opinion, but I came to see my error, and that the opposite is the truth. Here follow some statements, confirmed or contradicted by those who know this subject at close range among the scholars of sociology, statistics, education, and psychology.

(1) The conservative class of girls make the happiest and worthiest wives.

True. Statistics have shown that wives who keep the traditions, and whose morals are of the old style, are far happier than others of modernizing views.

(2) The son who is utterly devoted in his attention to his parents is the ideal husband.

False. We do not deny that a son ought to be tender toward his parents — but when a grown, sensible man goes to excess in pleasing his mother, for instance, he is a man not fully mature, who staggers under the responsibilities of marriage, which require independence from his first ties.

(3) When the wife is older than her husband, her marriage's share of success is smaller.

False. The older wife pampers her husband and is tender toward him, for she surpasses the young one in wisdom and is less selfish than she.

(4) The marriage whose origin goes back to companionship since childhood is usually the happiest marriage.

False. These two spouses may well be of the kind who find it hard to mix with others, their attachment springing from a dread of people and an immaturity of feeling.

(5) Men cease to love their wives because the wives neglect their appearance.

False. The scientists say that the image of that girl he once fell in love with never leaves a man's imagination, even if her present appearance differs from that image. The real reason for his turning away from her is that she neglects to point out his greatness and to magnify him in his own eyes as she used to do before.

(6) The older a man grows, the greater his desire for a young, fresh wife.

True. And this is what makes girls past the age of thirty-five hard to marry — not for any lack of husbands suited to them in age, but because of older men's infatuation with young girls.

(7) The young man asks for his sweetheart's hand after some enchanting, captivating scene.

False. Most often a man surprises his girl with a proposal at home, or in the car, or on the road, or in a restaurant. And the average time it takes is a minute and a half!

(8) Most people come upon their better half in their own surroundings.

True. And the distance between the two does not exceed a single mile. This is a fact well worth the notice of those who deliberately go hunting for husbands in Western countries.

(9) When a man chooses a second wife for himself, he prefers her unmarried.

True. A man looks upon the woman who wishes to marry a second time as a makeshift step, or a second choice made on the margin of custom.

(10) Tastes in women are subject to change.

True. At the close of the last century men flocked to the weak, dependent woman who resembled the clinging vine. Now, however, the capable, competent woman has become the woman sought after — for the first is ruled by her moods, and the second by her mind.

(11) The stout man picks a stout woman.

True. And the thin man picks a thin woman. In the matter of shortness and tallness, however, it is the other way round.

(12) The fewer the relatives of the man or the woman who meddle in the couple's affairs, the greater the couple's share of happiness.

True. And it goes without saying that the easiest relative to get along with is the man's father, and the hardest his mother.

(13) Most marital disputes revolve around money.

True. And most often they arise from poor management of spending, not from any lack of currency. The men complain of the women's extravagance, and the women complain of the men's stinginess.

(14) A lavish income is a bringer of happiness.

False. If this belief is a mirage seen by those of middling incomes, the truth is that happiness lies in the steadiness of the income, however small it may be. As the proverb says: "A little that lasts is better than a lot that stops."

(15) Most squabbles break out before breakfast in the morning.

True. This springs not from hunger, but from man's revolt at facing reality and its burdens — the men especially.

(16) The value of a woman's work inside the house is reckoned higher than what she could earn, on the average, at any work outside the house.

True. The value of the woman of the house is reckoned at two hundred Lebanese lira a week. (Remember that the woman in America works all day long without interruption.) The whole trouble lies in the absence of any law compelling the husband to pay this sum to his wife.

(17) The man is, as a rule, more capable of mental work than the woman.

True. Thereby marriage is more successful, the women more contented, and the men less vexed.

(18) A marriage is likely to prosper if the man heads the house.

False. This does not mean that the woman should put on the trousers and govern and preside. "The best of things is the middle course." But if no middle course is to be found, and headship there must be, then it is better that the man take the reins.

(19) Husbands must adjust their inclinations and desires more than their wives.

False. What the man sacrifices on the social side is trifling compared with the obstacles the woman bears. She changes her surroundings and her name, takes over the management of a house, and becomes dependent on her man. And on top of this, the children bring a great change into their lives, in exertions physical, mental, and spiritual.

(20) Feminine allure works its effect on married men just as on bachelors.

True. The only difference is that husbands are better able to suppress their inclinations — fortunately!..