The Child's Corner — Jealousy in Children

...Here is the essence of modern child-rearing, set down regularly in this monthly corner by the pen of Miss A'idah Shakir Sa'b.

For "The Woman's Voice" esteems in Miss Sa'b her high endeavor and her zeal on behalf of our mothers, and her easing of their grave educational task.

Jealousy in Children

"Evelyn" was a little girl of four and a half, loved by everyone. She was known for her intelligence and her good conduct — until a new baby appeared in the family, and her jealousy showed itself, even though her parents had tried to prepare her to receive this newcomer. Evelyn could not suppress the signs of jealousy; while her mother was in the hospital she would say, "What justification is there for my mother's wanting to get me a brother, so long as I exist?" And when her mother returned home, Evelyn kept questioning her about her love for her and for her children, in order to make certain that her mother's affection had not changed with the presence of her little brother "Cyr."

Dr. Ziman, the expert in child-rearing, says in his recent book "Jealousy in Children" that it is natural for children to show signs of jealousy of their brothers and sisters, because they do not want anyone to share with them the love of their parents.

The child notices that everyone pays special attention to the newborn, and his jealousy of him grows. Here is his mother busy with the baby's feeding; here is his father hurrying to him when he cries; and all the visitors come especially to see him. All this makes the child imagine that the love of his parents and family has passed entirely to the little brother.

The child shows his jealousy of the newborn as "Evelyn" showed hers of her brother "Cyr." Whenever a visitor came to see her brother, she would bring the visitor her toys, to distract him from "Cyr."

In Dr. Ziman's opinion, jealousy shows itself in misbehavior, sulking, defiance of the parents, and hatred of the newborn.

In treating the problem of jealousy, Dr. Ziman suggests to parents:

1 — That they not punish the jealous child, for this only increases his jealousy.

2 — That they not compare the child's behavior with that of his little brother or of others.

3 — That they not "burn" him for his unwelcome feelings.

4 — That they not suddenly direct all their love to the newborn.

A'idah Shakir Sa'b
Translated, with adaptation, from the New York Times magazine