On Setting the Table and Its Etiquette

I do not suppose that any housewife is ignorant of the particular order in which the dining table is set; every girl learned it when small, from her mother and in the household management classes at school. She knows, from the many times it has been repeated, that the knife is placed to the right of the plate and the fork to its left, with the spoon between them; and every girl also knows that the water glass is placed in front of the plate at the right corner, and that the napkin is placed folded in the plate.

These are self-evident matters that need no explanation. But there are some observations that may be of use to housewives newly embarked on married life and on what it asks of them by way of giving dinner parties from time to time. If you invite your friends, madam, to a dinner, arrange all its affairs in advance, and above all beware of creating an anxious atmosphere that disturbs the guests and puts them on edge. Let all your orders be brief and in a low voice; and whatever incidents may occur — the fall of a glass of water, or the maid slipping with the dishes — take the matter with cool nerves and make no reference to it. In this you show a refined breeding and a wide knowledge of good manners.

And the table, madam, reflects your personality and your taste; so let there be upon it some trace of this personality that catches the eye and rests it at once — a few little green leaves, scattered around the plates in a pleasing geometric pattern, or small flowers in colors harmonizing with the colors of the dining room. These simple touches, which you lend your table from your own personality, leave a great impression on your guests of the extent of your taste...

And know that candles on the dinner table bring pleasure, and lend the room an out-of-the-ordinary atmosphere in which the guests settle more happily than under the usual electric lights.

And do not forget, madam, that simplicity and cleanliness are among the most important conditions. Do not go to excess in multiplying the dishes, as was the custom among the Lebanese of old — and among some of us even today — for this custom, though it expresses a generosity that deserves thanks, wearies the mistress of the house, wearies the husband's pocket, and wearies the guests' stomachs all at once. This age is the age of simplicity: let the dishes be well chosen and skillfully prepared, let them be served with taste and art, let their quantity be sufficient and their kinds appetizing — and that is enough.

As for the question of arranging the seats, it is very important. The rule followed is that the mistress of the house sits at the head of the table with her husband facing her at the other head. The place of honor is at the right of the mistress of the house, to which she invites the foreign guest or the one advanced in years. The seats are arranged in such a way that a lady is flanked by two men and a man by two ladies; it is preferable that each guest sit between two of the other sex, so that the women do not gather off in one corner and the men in another. At formal dinners a small card with the name written on it is placed before each plate, to prevent confusion and muddle.

The servant should serve the food to the ladies first, beginning with the lady on the right of the master of the house, then the lady on his left, and so on in succession, until the food is served to the mistress of the house after all of them. Then he passes to serving the men, beginning with the guest on the right of the mistress of the house, then the guest on her left, and so on in succession, until the food is served to the master of the house after the last of the guests, and then to his children, if he has children sharing the dinner with the guests — for children under ten years of age should not sit at the table; these eat by themselves.

What is common these days, in consideration of the economic situation and to suit circumstances, is for the host to gather his friends at a single party and to choose most of the food from among the cold dishes, all arranged in pleasing geometric shapes. In one corner is placed a small table bearing the plates, knives, and forks, and in the other corner a second table bearing the sweets and the fruit... When the mistress of the house calls her guests, the women come forward first and then the men, and the members of the family undertake to serve the guests by handing each person a plate, a knife, a fork, and a napkin (usually of paper). The guest then moves about with his plate, choosing what pleases him of this dish or that, until he has had enough; then he withdraws to one side with whomever he wishes and eats his food to the last. And the maid goes around collecting the used plates and serving this one or that; or another corner is set aside where the guests put down their plates without noise. What matters very much is that this operation proceed in an atmosphere of ease and without the least commotion; and the mistress of the house must keep her nerves calm, for nothing is more trying than her strained nerves and her constant anxiety and fear that something may happen to disturb the guests' comfort, making her appear flustered, curt in her talk, and false in her glances.

These, madam, are a few observations on your table at dinner parties, which I have taken care to make simple and useful at one and the same time.