I Read for You...

Here is another collection, Madam, which I bring you from my readings of this month. I open it with a piece carried by one of the foreign magazines under the title: Femininity Is Woman's Treasure. It caught my eye for its value, which is never exhausted and never fades so long as there is a female in this life!

The writer draws us two pictures from the very heart of life. He shows us a girl in a gathering of men, one leg crossed over the other, blowing out the smoke of her cigarettes in the manner of the man addicted to smoking, arguing in a raised voice, with heat and a sharp turn of phrase. Then another girl came in and sat down in silence, her face suffused with the captivating blush of shyness, and the men fell quiet. Then they turned to her, trying to draw her into the subject of conversation; she neither refused nor accepted, but answered with a radiant smile. They offered her a cigarette, and her face grew redder still; she was flustered — what could she possibly answer? Yet she only smiled once more and shook her head. It galled the first girl that her companion's rising should be the beginning of her own setting, so she lit another cigarette and tried to stir the talk up afresh; but the men's eyes had already turned to the new guest. There was in her a sweet mystery, a stirring stillness, and a silence stronger than any call!

After the two girls had gone, one of the company turned to his companion and said: Did you see how the little guest took hold of our feelings, though she is neither more beautiful nor more eloquent than her companion, nor more learned? Rather, there was in her something greater than all of that — virgin femininity, opening out in the modesty of dew-fresh flowers. As for her companion, she has taken from us men everything — the smoking, the raised voice, the sharp phrase — so that nothing is left in her that is not in us; we spoke to her as to a man. Femininity is woman's treasure: if she loses it, no beauty, no money, no position can make it up to her.

To what degree you believe this saying, I do not know; but imitation prevails in our age, and its danger grows sharper when it turns to sweep over the other sex with its current and to snatch away some of the traits that belong to them — such is the belief of some. And now I shall move on with you, Madam, to hear the opinion of a certain speaker on the value of hope, and whether one can live without it. The writer believes that a human being can live three weeks without food, three days without water, and three minutes without air, but that he cannot live three seconds without hope. The speaker was calm of tone, addressing a group of parents, and despair showed on the features of the fathers and mothers as they held in their arms children whose leg or arm — or both together — had been cut off.

Sow hope and you will reap love; and with the help of the two, and of modern medicine, your children will be able to walk and run and work in society like any normal person. When the cancer patient waits in the hospital, fighting his pains with patience until the hour draws near, many say: let us help him go to his Maker in peace. But hope runs counter to this theory; indeed, it may take flesh in another person, who labors in his laboratory and comes out at last with the cure for this dread disease in his hand. Hope walks the farmer out to his field to work it anew, after he has lost the past season in his struggle with the fields. Hope keeps a man sound of mind in a world that strains every nerve to strike him down and shatter his nerves..... It is a phrase we utter at every moment and wherever we may be: we hope to win such-and-such a venture; we hope to reach this position; I hope my children will turn out successful... and all the other hopes that pass through our minds and set our feelings quivering with eagerness and gaiety. But do we stop for a moment to think of this hope — which, if it dies, freedom dies with it? For where injustice and tyranny hold sway, hopes and freedoms are buried! ... So despite the difficulties that face us at every instant, let us look to the future as to a hidden world set within a frame of light, and not as to a gloom of pitch-black darkness; let us think of it as a fabric woven of threads of hope, not of the fists of despair, so that when we lift our eyes to the horizon, hope will be our one spur. And from the horizon of hope we shall now cross over into a somber air in which there is no trace of hope's freshness — the pallor of jealousy, which, if it storms through a marriage, shakes its foundation and casts the two spouses into a well of pain and torment. The most effective cure is deliberation, forbearance, and love!

The jealous woman is exactly the equal of the man; and though we may meet few such men, woman stands ready to prove the point in any case. She stirs her husband's jealousy, and there awakens in his soul the deadly bent of suspicion — a destructive, loathsome move that strengthens malice and rancor, encourages revenge, and leads the couple down into the very abysses they would avoid.

There is a natural jealousy, apart from that stirred up by passing situations and circumstances. Often an engaged or a married couple are tormented by suspicion because the one has not yet tested the other; all these are momentary happenings that vanish when their causes vanish. But if a person is jealous by nature, an endless chain of torment lies before him; and some may exploit it to dominate the spouse, who cannot help reacting with jarring, nervous gestures.

If your husband shows jealousy, never look the other way — even if he is the one at fault. Try to clear up the situation and understand its cause, so as to free yourself and him from torment. Jealousy takes shape in different forms — excessive criticism, embarrassing questions, the love of domination — and it can be set off by any gesture; but at bottom it springs from a feeling of insecurity and anxiety. If he is assured of your respect and your love for him, you will spare him the storms of suspicion and anger.

Does your husband incline toward domination? In this there is an attempt to cover a lack in the man's own soul, for he fears her getting the better of him, and so bends her to his will; and nothing convinces him more than your effect upon him through tangible affection and appreciation, and your regarding him as an ideal, however different others' idea of him may be.

Praise him in company, just as you shower your praise on him at home; commend his virtues and pass over his weakness. This is not easy for you, but it deserves care and study if you are a devoted, loving wife. Remember that your two lives are one, however your working and social position may differ; your occupation may be equal or even superior to his work, and this stirs his pride as a man — he is proud of you, yet finds it hard to bear; so your tact in managing the situation will place him where he feels ease and respect.

You are beautiful and attractive; the eyes of other admirers hover about you at parties and evening gatherings, even though you avoid drawing attention. Here he will surely suffer unless you prove by your conduct that he is the one person who arouses your interest. You alone can wipe suspicion from his soul, if you hope for a happy marriage; so encourage him and love him, then help him to surmount the obstacles and clear away the barriers that stand between the two of you and happiness.

Since we are on the subject of domestic happiness, we must broach an important inquiry, touching the upbringing of your children in the age of adolescence, which educators consider harder than the stage of childhood — especially where boys are concerned, for the girl, by force of custom, is more restrained than her brother. The father finds himself in an awkward position when he senses his daughter's steps toward self-reliance; he forbids her the enjoyment of some of her personal rights, and if the mother objects, the girl rebels, to break loose from that narrow crucible. Parents who are awake feel their responsibility toward their children, since theirs is the first influence upon their inner life — though not the only influence, for modern living makes it inevitable that the growing youngster come into contact with all manner of influences outside the home.

Nature moves your children on toward growth, so you cannot spare them failure and the making of mistakes in their new attempts. You want them independent in thought and feeling, so that they can face life for themselves; and it is wisdom not to shut your eyes to their mistakes, for your advice helps to mend the error even if it does not prevent its occurrence.

Your children came into the world by your will before their own; so help them, together with your husband, with an educational philosophy different from the one you adopted in the age of childhood. If you disagree with him, hide it from them, so that they see nothing but unity; and do not meddle before them in other people's affairs. Live the life you want them to follow, for in this you offer them an example more firmly planted than any advice you dictate to them. Do not break the appointments you make with them; and it is likewise your duty to set reasonable goals before their eyes — do not promise them the stars of the open wilds while they are still unable to walk upon the earth. Meet their affairs frankly, listening to their talk with care, without criticism or threat, so that they may rest secure in you and trust in your love. If your son goes wrong, you, in your conduct, are the one answerable for guiding him: either he learns, or he blames you. And never think that he can do without your affection, for facing the hard passages of his life makes him need your breast to shelter him and give him strength, and the flood of your love to back him and hearten him.

You cannot, Madam, think over everything you have taken in during these few minutes; but reflection, even upon small matters, earns us experience, and experience, however slight its value, is one of the steps of progress. None of us consents to bow to the opinions of others; yet there is no harm in examining them with careful study and drawing out what pleases one and helps one move on toward a higher ideal and a better, happier life. And all of that comes back to you: for tact and flexibility — and woman is rich in her adroitness — sustain the positive spirit that carries you ever onward to the summit of success in the home and in society.