Are You About to Be Married?!

And the girl objects, saying: But I am going to marry him, not his entire family, and we shall live by ourselves — so why do you care about tying bonds of friendship and harmony between me and his family?

Her companion answers, trying to convince her why she, and every girl about to be married, must have a wide acquaintance with all the members of her fiancé's family. Here are the most important arguments she offered:

1 - When you observe your fiancé within the circle of his family, you touch on a side of his personality you cannot make out outside that circle. At home he is natural in his behavior, especially if he has young brothers, for then he refuses to make a show of what is not in him, lest his brothers see through him. Thus it is given to you to test him as he really is, in the atmosphere of his home and family, more than if he were outside that atmosphere.

2 - While in his house you have the chance to notice the way he treats his mother and the degree of his respect for her. For it is of great importance that you should know — as the second woman in his life in order of importance — how this man treats his mother, and how far he respects her and sacrifices for her happiness and comfort.

3 - By getting to know his family, and by making a study of his brothers and sisters as well as of himself, you gain a fair idea of your future children, of their qualities and their capacities, and of whether there is in his family some mental deficiency or inherited disease. This knowledge is most necessary.

4 - And you become acquainted with the atmosphere in which he grew up and the ways of living he is used to, and you compare them with your own ways of living in the atmosphere of your home, trying to bring the two together. For after his marriage a man usually seeks an atmosphere close to the one in which he was raised, and if the distance between the two is great, discord is most likely to follow.

5 - Watch closely how he treats his mother, for sons very often copy their fathers' ways in the treatment of their wives. If his father is hard of temper, imposing his authority on his wife, then you must take precautions and lie in wait for the first sign from your fiancé that might lead to this result.

6 - Likewise, by keeping in touch with his family you can learn from his mother the chief dishes he loves — and it has been said that nothing works on a man's heart like the road through his stomach! The kinds of cooking and sweets he loved from his mother's hand are what please him most after marriage, and your attention to this side of his life will make him love you more and more.

7 - And in the future of your married life there may well come a family crisis that carries off one of his parents, so that your husband is obliged to invite the surviving parent to live with him. In that case it is better for you to be fully acquainted with his parents' natures and habits, so that your life together may be a happy life, untroubled by misunderstanding, its serenity unclouded by any passing cloud.