You Are Better Than You Think!

A man in the middle of his life sat before me, staring into nothing. Although he had an appointment with me, he did not utter a word after he sat down in the chair near my desk. A minute of silence passed, which I broke with my questions; yet it was as though he did not feel my presence at all, for he did not turn toward me or shift his gaze, fixed on the floor of the room. The only signs of life in his face were the movement of his lips, which he pressed together from time to time, and the fluttering of his eyelashes.

I asked him what was troubling him, and he made no answer. I reminded him that he had an appointment with me and that my time was precious. Then he turned toward me, and I was able to observe his pale face and his eyes sunken deep in their sockets. I noticed the confusion apparent on his face, and the first thing he uttered was: "I am good for nothing. Please give me a sedative pill or some remedy to bring me out of my misery. I thought of suicide — the only means of my deliverance — but there I stopped, for religion forbids it."

Before this, I had faced the same situation with a wretched girl. She was thirty years old, unmarried, living in perpetual loneliness, and she had come to the point of suicide, but was held back by her fear of failing in the attempt. Her great complaint was loneliness: "No man has asked for my hand, though I feel my fitness for the burdens of motherhood and marriage." So she said: "What has happened to me? What have I done?" And she burst into sobbing...

In the soul of each of us there is something good, which others may not notice because we hide it from their eyes. On the basis of this theory I dealt with these two persons: I guided them toward understanding the good sides in their own souls, so that they might use them as a weapon against the deficiency that had overpowered them.

If we think for a moment, we see that many people lack sympathy, gentleness, and the capacity to understand and forgive others; nor are they able to give love in return, or to arm themselves with courage, hope, self-confidence, will, and ambition — then honesty, frankness, friendship, and the love of helping others. It is this list of names that places man where he stands in the rank of living creatures. But are these gifts appreciated? And if we do appreciate them, do we use them?

It often happens that we understand the evil in ourselves and neglect the good; and this begins in childhood, when we say to the child: "Don't do this or that. What will people say about you? Wait till your father comes and I tell him what you have done; no one will love you, and your mother is ashamed to call you her son." Thus we see that we have planted, in the soul of this good young plant, sin and the feeling of deficiency and shame; and the idea of deficiency grows with him, until, when he reaches the age of maturity, he finds the inclination to evil taking possession of his soul.

"If the punishments I received in my childhood had been just and true, I should be ashamed to look at my face in the mirror." So said a young man who looks at himself from a positive point. Stripping freedom of opinion from the child's soul, and demolishing his morale, is the quickest method a mother uses; but it is her duty to remember that there remains in his soul a residue of goodness — he is not evil through and through. Is not this conduct of his an act meant to win praise instead of blame? It is the result of a personal analysis; yet rarely does he receive praise and encouragement for good conduct. One mother commented on this by saying: "And why should I praise my son's good deeds? Isn't that his duty?"

A child is not expected to be perfect in his behavior, the reason being that we are born without culture or civilization. Moreover, the child must sometimes be rebuked, so that he may understand that an act which pleases him may harm others; thus he comes to value what is around him, and does not rebel or go to excess in vanity. The method of upbringing differs according to the differences among children: encouragement is better than reproach for the shy, sensitive child — and its effect lasts a lifetime. We must analyze the good points in ourselves and bring them out into the light.

The problem of the man in our study comes down to this: his only daughter married against his will and moved away to a distant country, cutting off her ties with him; at last the news of her death reached him, and he felt that life was no longer his — that he was good for nothing.

Each of us desires to love and to be loved; if a person suppresses this emotion, he feels a deficiency and an emptiness. This is exactly what the girl felt: she did not open herself to love, and though she understands the good qualities within herself, she did not let others feel them.

Understand what is the cause of your falling behind and your failure, and work to correct it; then follow the positive method of discovering and developing the good things in yourself — and you will find ease and happiness!