If Only My Family Would Stop Pestering Me!

What do you like, or dislike, in your family's behavior?

A question put to a group of adolescents; and their answers came like bombshells. If they are of use in anything, let them alert parents to certain mistakes the child does not forgive, above all when he is in the period of adolescence, the stage of bodily and mental development.

By this I hope to throw some light on certain frictions which by their nature are bound to occur at this stage, and which very often lead the child to lose full confidence in his parents.

Among the complaints the children set forth is what Jamil says: "It annoys me that my family keeps after me to wear what they want — that is, to be neat and in a formal suit, while I prefer the simple suit, like what my agemates and friends wear." Here two forces contend: the first is the boy's attempt to assert the personality whose ripening he feels; the second is parental authority and the attempt to impose it.

And Salma protested, saying: "Why do my family try to lay down my course of study and fix the subject of my specialization?" Here we cannot but recall that every individual has his own aptitudes and capacities, so it is not right to demand of Samir what his brother gives, lest we overburden him and foster in him a psychological complex. And then, why do Said's family press him and send him to study medicine, when his inclination is toward engineering?... Children hate to be treated forever as infants who have no personality of their own!...

The adolescent sometimes resents his parents when they compare his conduct with their own at his age — saying, for instance: "When we were your age, did we play for two hours?..." or "Did we shout and jump about?" — and forgetting that we are in a changing world, whose today differs from its tomorrow!...

Our children are annoyed by our incessant pursuit of them; they wish to be freed from parental authority for a spell, in which they can be at ease with their agemates and companions. And pursuit creates a fundamental weakness in the child's personality: not only does it make him dependent, it makes of him a laughingstock for his comrades. And his family will have wronged him without knowing it! Here is Najwa protesting: "Why do my family interfere in our arguments and disputes?... I can settle matters with my brothers and sisters without their intervention!" And it is hard on your son for you to correct him before his friends, or to talk about him within his hearing; you do not know into what a predicament you place him!

You wonder that your children sometimes criticize your behavior, or comment on the dress you are wearing; they want you always elegant and neat, above all when you appear among people. The period of adolescence is the hardest stage, so be wise in crossing it with kindness — for your own good and for theirs!