In the World of Childhood: The Effect of Praise and Appreciation on the Child's Psyche

The soul of man, be he grown or small, stands in urgent need of praise and appreciation, no less than his need of food and nourishment. For the danger of bodily hunger is no sharper in its effect than the soul's famine for whatever kindles the flame of enthusiasm and ambition, whether appreciation or praise.

There is no doubt that the stage of childhood is the most important stage of human life. It is the foundation of his mental, emotional, and bodily soundness in the future. It therefore deserves to claim from us the special attention, and the care, that it merits.

The value of the work the child does is measured in general, to some extent, in proportion to people's appreciation of that work — the appreciation which gives the doer confidence in himself and faith in success, so that he continues his labors and his striving with steady progress.

Praise and appreciation, then, are two factors necessary for the building of the child's personality, because they give him self-confidence, psychological reassurance, and inner stability. So he faces life, with its problems and its tangles, in a spirit of confidence — of overcoming and of victory — and the feeling of failure, of flight, and of retreat no longer haunts him. This is what the psychologist 'Pearson' affirmed in his book 'Mental Health.'

The affection the child meets in his surroundings, through attention and care, helps him to mingle with people, increases his social capacity, and rids him of selfishness and of the marks of withdrawal...

Modern science has proved that there is a natural inclination, and a psychic pleasure, in the child toward those circles that bring him commendation and shower him with praise, where he is received with respect and esteem. And if we analyze the nature of praise, we find it of three kinds:

1 — General praise: the appreciation of the child's conduct absolutely and comprehensively, as when we say 'Good!' 'Well done, Zuhair!' — or offer a smile of satisfaction.

2 — Particular praise: the appreciation of a definite piece of work, or praise for a specific occurrence, as when we say: 'Fine — you put on your clothes by yourself,' 'How beautiful the arrangement of these flowers is.' This kind is the more effective in the child's soul, because it attaches to a clear, evident thing or act.

3 — Praise of manner: which addresses the way in which some piece of work is accomplished, and the form in which a given occurrence is carried out — such as promptness in going to school, or orderliness in taking one's food.

For a past stretch of time there prevailed a false belief which led to distortion in the method of raising children — the belief which says that praise and commendation corrupt the orderly course of the development of the child's life, since they lead, as its holders claim, to a feeling of conceit, and thence to complacency and indifference. But the truth established by modern scientific studies affirms decisively that the two factors of praise and appreciation are essential incentives, driving childhood along the right road, and toward the deep desire to pursue its works and to progress continually.

And among the worst results are those which fathers and kinsfolk create in children when they take a negative attitude toward them, and address to them words of blame, fault-finding, and reproach, and compare them with those who are better than they. The result of that is loathing, a feeling of inferiority and lowness in relation to others, and a lack of self-confidence. These agitations, despite the triviality of their causes and the little heed paid to them, may with time turn into psychic illnesses, and may pass beyond into mental and bodily ones. So the child lives and grows with his soul full of pessimism, abjectness, and withdrawal — and the days turn him into a man complete in form, sick in soul.