Memoirs of the Duchess of Windsor — First Installment

— First Installment —

The "Duchess of Windsor" is counted among the most prominent women's personalities of this age... Her fame has spread to the horizons, and the newspapers of the world, East and West, have echoed her name; and that fame was not founded on a deed, or a genius, or a discovery... it was bestowed on her by a king who gave up his throne for her sake... He preferred to lose his crown and win a woman...

And here is that woman coming before us with her memories, in answer to people's questioning... "The Woman's Voice" will publish these delightful memoirs in serial form...

I was nineteen years old when I came to "Baltimore" to visit my cousin "Corinne Mustin" and spend a month at her house. One evening there appeared to me a young man wearing an aviator's uniform, and I learned that he was Lieutenant Duke "Winfield Spencer."

Corinne had told me that three of the aviators would be coming with her husband to dinner, for it was his habit to invite such companions in order to go over with them how things were running at the airfield... I sat with her on the veranda awaiting the husband and the guests; and when they appeared from afar my eye was caught by a young man of handsome bearing, walking with a firm step, a sweet, winning smile upon his lips... And when Henry Mustin introduced me to his friends, nothing stuck in my memory but the name of Lieutenant Spencer.

Before my going to the "Pensacola" station in Baltimore, I did not know what an airplane was... in the year 1916 airplanes were a rare sight... The conversation at the table turned upon flying, and though it was new to my ears, I found a pleasure in listening to the adventures of the air and the enthusiasm of the young men; and Lieutenant Spencer, too, drew me by his gaiety and the charm of his talk, so that I came to feel that beside me was a man to be relied upon. Nor did my presentiment fail me, for after dinner he turned to me and said: Will you permit me to call on you tomorrow, and invite you to dinner?... I answered him that it would be a splendid idea were I not tied to a daily program which the Mustin family arranges for me... He smiled brightly, then answered with the same confidence I had sensed throughout his talk: No harm in that — and it makes no difference what the program may be, so long as it includes me...

The hours that followed were full of thinking, and all my musings turned upon a single point: this gay person, confident of himself and of his powers... I wished I might tell Corinne and Henry what was passing through my mind, but I feared their mockery, especially as the person was still a stranger to me...

"Win" returned the next day, about five o'clock in the evening, and when dinner-time drew near and no move came from him, Corinne had no choice but to invite him to take dinner with us, and he accepted with thanks... At the end of that evening I knew that I had fallen into a sweeping love from which there was no deliverance for me... And my attraction to him grew the more he enlarged upon flying and the magic of the air and the modern discoveries... I would listen to him and soar on the wings of fancy, as though I were hearing one of the legends of the Thousand and One Nights.

But flying and its sweetness were mingled with a great tragedy, for an aviator's family never knows when word of his death may reach it; and those who lived near the airfield were accustomed to witnessing dozens of disasters in the course of every year, their victims falling dead in flight or in landing — but that only made me cling to him the more... One of my kinswomen afterward described our marriage by saying: You knew that your union with Win was mere curiosity and nothing more!

In this very period I discovered Win's jealousy; even so, I would go out with some of his friends to the beach, or dancing, or accompany him to the house of one of his friends, and I paid that jealousy no heed when at last I resolved upon marriage...

I do not remember exactly what my answer to him was, only that I know full well that I had to consult Uncle "Sol" and my mother; as for him, he was confident that the final answer rested with my heart... and it had already become wholly his!!

My visit was fated to end within a month, but now I began to wait, hoping the days would not end whose minutes brought me together with "Win" and drew me near to him, that I might study his nature and what lay hidden in his breast, and observe his habits and his silences; and in all of that my heart would tremble, and my soul grow tender with joy... I learned that he had grown up in Chicago and been graduated from "Annapolis" in 1910, that he had studied flying during his service in the American fleet and excelled in his art; and after the "Pensacola" station was completed, he joined the corps of aviators there... He had reached twenty-seven years of age...

And "Win's" gay nature was a strange one: it would sometimes turn head over heels, and he would sink away into a wave of silent, resentful hysteria. When my dance with a friend went on too long, or when I bantered with a comrade of his... I would come back to find him hunched over the table, not uttering a word... And I had not experience enough of the natures of men to know that the closed side of his self was the strongest thing in his personality, and that one day it would wreak its violence upon him and upon the life we tried to build together.

After two months I returned home, and Win brought me to the station with Corinne; I shall never forget my embarrassment when I held out my hand to shake his in farewell: he drew me to him off the steps and kissed me boldly, heedless of Corinne's presence, then said: I shall spend the summer holiday in Baltimore... and I await the final answer from you... I bowed my head... and the din of the train swallowed me up.

On my arrival I found two letters awaiting me; my mother carried them, saying:

They are from the greatest aviator in creation... I had told my mother of my attachment to Win in my letters... And as soon as the spirit of jesting faded she said: Are you prepared to face the blows that befall aviators?... Have you thought that you might become a widow in the second week of your wedding?... Have you thought of the unsettled life you will spend at his side, without rest?... to say nothing of the meager pay, and the nights you will pass on burning coals, watching for the aviator-husband's return?

But I listened to all that with a lover's ear, which does not distinguish truth from falsehood or wrong from right... And when Spencer appeared, as he had promised, it was the greatest proof of how attached to him I was... My mother approved of him, and Uncle "Sol" gave us his blessings...

In August of that season I visited Win's family in Chicago... They were kindness itself to me; and I discovered that he was the eldest of four brothers and two sisters... His mother at first took the same stand toward our marriage as my own mother had, but she was not long in consenting, wishing us happiness and contentment.

A little later, misfortunes came one upon another to Win's family: two of his brothers were killed, his sister took her own life, and his mother died in a collision... Then Win himself passed through a chain of tragedies in his private life, for he married four times; he died in 1950 at sixty-one.

The formal engagement was announced in September of 1916, and on October 8 our marriage took place amid a halo of white lilies, and within a circle of the men of American aviation...

The wedding gown I had made ready was of white velvet embroidered with pearls, over a skirt of white "lace" as well; I carried in my hand a cluster of white lilies, and my head was adorned with a wreath of orange blossom... Win obtained two weeks' leave for the honeymoon, which we divided between "West Virginia" and New York...

I had gone with Win into our room at the hotel when I heard his voice rise in curses as he looked at a notice under the glass of the table... When I came nearer I made out that he was pointing to the dryness of West Virginia — no wine there and no strong drink — and he turned to me, saying: This is a reception for you; as for me, I cannot stay here... And though he was joking with me, his words drew back a curtain from something that had remained hidden from me until that hour... Then he walked to his valise and took out a bottle of "gin," muttering: It will last me till I reach the next station...

This was a surprise to a girl who, like me, had grown up in a house that did not countenance drinking; up to that time I had tasted nothing but a sip of champagne which the family was accustomed to serve at Christmas... And so, on my honeymoon, I discovered that the bottle rarely left my husband's side...

We returned to live in one of the dwellings set aside for aviation men; the veranda of the house looked out on a splendid bay, and my days passed within a "routine" that seldom varied... Our horizon reached no farther than the "Pensacola" station... And within this circle I created, with the women of the neighborhood, a society complete in itself... its substance the parties and the dinners attended by the aviators and their wives; and sometimes we would go out in flocks to the town to attend a dance or see the cinema... But the moments that still live in my mind and torment me are those hours we spent waiting for the outcome of some frightful crash, to learn which one of us it was whose husband was the victim this time...

And "Win's" turn came, and he all but lost his life, had it not been for the rescue launch that delivered him from the jaws of the deep... In the days that followed I could not bear to look at an airplane or think of one... Win's duties grew heavier day by day; on April 6, 1916, the United States entered the war, and at the same time Win was promoted, then received an order to move to "Boston" to organize a flying unit there. It was a respectable post, and his advancement showed how highly his qualifications and abilities were esteemed; but the news did not please him... He aspired to fight the battles in Europe, and so he came to wait with utter impatience to be released from the new assignment... His work began at six in the morning and lasted until eight or nine at night, and when he came back he would take his dinner and sleep... And I can affirm that this was the happiest period of our marriage — the more so as he had stopped taking strong drink!

It would have been easy for me to be content with this routine had I been able to persuade myself that there was a mutual understanding between us... And I needed no one to tell me that our marriage was threatened by a great danger.

On the eleventh of November, 1918, the armistice was declared, and in a mad joy the people celebrated the end of the war; they danced in the streets and filled the parks... Win stood pleased with what he had done, but his gaiety faded when he returned to himself. The forces would not consent to send him across the seas, and that made him feel he was fortune's victim: there were men less able than he, and yet they got what they wanted... His withdrawal into himself increased, straying thereby beyond the reach of my understanding and my senses... His jealousy grew, and so did his indulgence in drink... And, as usually happens in such cases, he poured out the full measure of his anger and resentment upon the person he loved, and I became the prey of the fancies and pains that warred within him.

In company he seemed natural, showing no scraps of his real self, but keeping it back until he crossed the threshold of the house; then he would be silent for hours, and if he broke his silence it was to upbraid me and accuse me of ignoring him and humoring others... I remember, too, his practical jokes: he would lock me in the room and go out, to be gone for hours... I tried to head off the impending danger, so I began to give parties and invite society to them, or I would go out with him to the "Del Corovado" hotel, and there I made the acquaintance of Barrymore, of "Charlie Chaplin," and of "the Prince of Wales"... But this anaesthetic only made our private troubles worse... It happened that my mother came to visit us, and she felt the coolness between us, though we tried to convince her with a false veneer of gaiety and calm... That did not keep her from offering a piece of advice as she bade me farewell: Wallis... it troubles me greatly that you make friends and pick your companions with such ease... I fear this will bring you abundant troubles in your days to come... As for me, I began to watch for a miracle that would steady the pillars of our tottering house... But Win's work grew more and more entangled, and one of his superiors turned against him; it seems that the tangling of practical affairs finds an echo in every step of life... And the sole solution for it all was the bottle of drink.

We were not shut off from the neighbors, for our quarrels seeped through the wall to the neighbors' ears. I remember one Saturday afternoon... Win locked the bathroom door and left me inside for hours... To this day I do not know whether he left the house or stayed within... I tried to open the door with a nail file and did not succeed... By evening my nerves were worn out, and I dared not cry for help; at last I heard the creak of the key, and when I opened the door the house was in pitch darkness, and I heard Win's breathing as he lay stretched on his bed... As for me, I spent the rest of the night on a sofa in the sitting room, reviewing before me the chain of troubles that beset my life... And in those moments I reached a decision: to separate from Win.