The Ten Commandments for Husbands and Wives

For husbands...

1 - A man must understand woman as she really is, and not take her to be like himself, a man... for her mentality differs entirely from a man's, and may be summed up as emotional and realistic....

2 - Among the common errors is for the couple to exchange words leading to fruitless argument... The husband should give his wife tangible, material proof of his love for her....

3 - The husband must know that a woman asks of him his time, his nerves, and his attention... He who cannot give her all that had better not marry!

4 - The husband must not hem his wife in... Let him give her her measure of freedom — and by that I mean the freedom that is set in a mold giving it shape and beauty, as rhyme governs a poem!....

5 - Let the husband beware of selfishness, for it causes marital discord and works to wreck the family nest... The husband must not give merely to gratify his vanity... he must give with an absolute desire aimed at the happiness of the other party, quite apart from his own side..

6 - The husband must understand that most problems spring from ignorance or half-knowledge. Hence it is his duty to see to his wife's cultivation and enlightenment without forcing it upon her by compulsion... let him draw her attention and explain everything to her in an engaging, endearing way..

7 - Let him know that marriage is not a contract between two parties; in its loftiest purposes it is the nucleus of a refined society joining two families. Let him act upon this truth and remind himself of it always...

8 - The husband must work to bring the family out of the narrow circle hidden behind walls into the open air... the refreshing air... Thus he guards against the evil of tedium, which is the cause of boredom in our families and our societies...

9 - He must choose carefully the company into which he takes his wife... for the wife always inclines to imitation!

10 - There is no shame in saying that the sexual side has the greatest importance in marital happiness — indeed we ought to have begun with it first... Let every husband remember the saying of Havelock Ellis, which comes down to this: married life must remain as in its cradle, in the days of the engagement... that is, the courting and endearments should continue as they were at the beginning of the marriage; otherwise it becomes tiresome and hateful, and the husband feels, in spite of himself, the need to change the nest and move to a new house — and that is what we do not want at all..

For wives...

1 - The wife must understand the man's psychology before all else... Man is a big child who is quick to anger... A man may be a giant in battle, struggling and striving, but the moment he enters the house he becomes a child who gets angry at anything missing from his table, and flares up over a torn-off button or a soiled napkin..

2 - The wife must pamper this child and attend to his little things, for that increases his attachment to her and moves him to forgive her mistakes.

3 - Life is give and take... If the wife wants to take... she must give... Selfishness always overwhelms her thought of giving her husband anything... unlike the European wife, who gives and gives without looking for reward or recompense.

4 - The atmosphere of the home must be made ready for love, tempting one to stay! The wife should adorn herself and wear her best clothes at home, so as to rest the tired husband's nerves. I have noticed that the Eastern woman puts on her finest clothes for the street and keeps her ordinary clothes for the home... and this drives husbands out to the cafés and gathering-places to feast their eyes on what the street has to show!

5 - Man is social by nature and inclines to the open air! The wife must not tighten the noose around him or curb his freedom, or he will rebel against her and desert her for wherever he can find freedom.

6 - The wife must not pinch him over expenses, nor call him to account for everything great and small, or he will pay her back measure for measure!!

7 - Let the wife shun red jealousy... It was said of old that jealousy is a hell in which love still reigns — that is, it is the first warning..

8 - The wife must not spoil her children, nor favor one of them over another... I know families into which misery and ruin have crept because of this... The pampered child hates his father and bears a grudge against him. I once saw a boy call to his mother whenever he saw his father, "Get that man out of here!" — and that because she used to embrace him and take him into the marriage bed when he was already big..

9 - The wife must remain as in the days of the engagement — that is, she should charm the man and show him all the graces and delights that make him cling to her and prefer her over all others..

10 - Do not prolong argument and wrangling, which are of no use. Be tactful, and always wait until the air clears..