O Life of Mama...

I came across an article under this title in the newspaper Lisan al-Hal, from the pen of its proprietor Mr. Ramez Sarkis, and so I set about watching for a chance to obtain this letter of motherhood, which the well-known woman of letters Mrs. Julia Tu'mah Dimashqiyah addressed to her son Nadim, who occupies an important post at the Lebanese Legation in London. The letter dates back some two years, to the occasion of her only son's resolve to marry an English girl of ancient lineage.

We thank Mrs. Dimashqiyah for acceding to our insistent wish and permitting us to publish this delightful letter in the pages of The Woman's Voice, and we hope it will serve as a reference and a firm foundation for anyone who wishes to enter upon a new life and a new era, for the tenderness it holds and the wisdom of its counsel; enough that it stands as a lofty literary piece and a magnificent poem of motherhood.

A. J. Sh.

O life of Mama, I ask you to read this with blood as cool as that of the English, among whom you have been living for a year now in their own homeland. The subject before us is the gravest subject we have discussed together so far. Keeping our nerves calm, therefore, will make it the easier for you to listen, and for me to examine the matter with deliberation, without bias toward any particular opinion, whether of the heart or of the head.

Most people, as you well know — and I do not say the young, for in my view all people are alike in this respect — enter upon marriage either at the prompting of sexual inclination or at the prompting of interest. It is emotion, then, that most often takes charge of the management in this arena, drawing up for those who seek marriage its plan in whatever color it wants and craves, whether that color be love, or passion, or money, or prestige, or a splendid motorcar, or an impregnable palace, or, or... etc. And so the two partners, the man or the woman, proceed to the contract and the covenant to build this house which, no sooner is its founding complete, than they add to the society to which they belong a factory — among the most momentous of life's factories for the preservation of survival and the secret of existence — the factory that bears the man's name and expresses his being and the being of his partner through what they add to it of their offspring and the fruits of their material and social efforts: if good, then good; if evil, then evil!!

God forbid, my son, that you should be one of those who do not grasp the gravity of undertaking to found a home — other than that home which will be the highest example of our new Arab home, which the nation awaits, and of which we stand in the most urgent need, especially in this milieu that pins its great hopes upon your marriage and your future...

And now let us return to the effect your letter had upon us.

I read it, and so did your father, twice, and three times. Then each of us withdrew to his own room without either of us uttering a single word that might tell of its effect on us. Here is what passed through my mind when I was alone with myself, without any addition or omission. I had scarcely reached the passage indicating Miss Margaret's determination to remain at the side of her supposed first fiancé and to serve him should he return from the war disfigured, or deranged, or unable to support himself by himself... whereas if it were otherwise, she would be free and released from him. This, be it known, though there exists no legal or religious text compelling her to this bond with which she has bound herself of her own free choice...

No sooner had I finished reading this passage than a wave of love and esteem for Margaret swept over me, one which I am powerless to describe. It is, in very truth, a noble sentiment that can issue only from a girl of intense sincerity and refined breeding. There is also her love for you, and her silent friendship through the months that have passed since your acquaintance began, and her attending to the ordering of your needs, sacrificing her leisure hours and her rest — all of which increased my love and tenderness for her, and a sure longing to clasp her to me...

In sum, what I sensed between your lines, and through private conversations with persons who have made her acquaintance and seen her in your company, is that she appears to be a girl of composure, sensible, companionable, and that she loves you with a true and honest love.

But with all this, am I to be blamed, Nadim, if anxiety besets me when I picture you on the verge of binding yourself to a woman who is a stranger to us, removed all this distance from your family and your country?!! Am I to be blamed for my concern over this grave step you are about to take — I who have tasted life's sweetness and its bitterness, I who have passed sixty, watching from near and close at hand the life of families, and the contingencies that beset the happiness of married couples and at times make resistance a kind of impossibility?!!

Accordingly, I hope you will not be vexed with me for putting to you a few questions which cannot fail to give you a clear picture of what besets me and besets your father, and of what runs through our minds in this regard.

1 - Do you truly harbor, in the depths of your soul and within the folds of your brain, a respect sufficient to match your love for this girl? And if so, did you strip yourself of sexual emotion before resolving to marry her?!! Did you seek out complete candor with her when you disclosed to her all that turns in your mind, all that your soul whispers to you, and all that your heart and your intellect overflow with of hopes, and wishes, and desires, and emotions, and inclinations, and appetites?!!

2 - Have you explained to her clearly that primary and fundamental goal which you set for yourself from your youth, the goal that carried you to that country so far from us in this era fraught with dangers?!!

You, my darling, for all the newness of your years, have striven, and have attained, despite your young age, a respectable and notable position among your people. God forbid that anything should cross your path to send you back to the beginning of the road, destroying all the efforts you have expended. Do you not see it necessary to review your circumstances and your particular conditions, those that have passed and those now present, and to work to bring them all into accord with your aim! And the most important act you can perform toward this end is the choosing of the suitable companion who will accept, with all willingness of heart, to help you bring the endeavor to success and reach the goal?!!

Observation has proved to us that those who have succeeded in life succeeded because they concentrated their hopes upon a single desire; they knew the goal for which they were created, then took the road toward it, and went on their way with firm step and wide strides, meeting no obstacle without subduing it, facing no hindrance without crossing it. This is what you have done, my Nadim, until now, and it has been cause for our pride, and for the esteem of your friends and of people for you; and my hope is that you will go forward to the end in this same fashion...

3 - Have you been frank with Margaret concerning your material position? For money, as you know, has a very great influence upon the harmony and happiness of a married pair, however much the pious and the bankrupt philosophizers may exaggerate in belittling its importance...

4 - Have you explained to her the factors that set East apart from West, even those most strange and most disturbing to a Western girl who has never before today left the confines of her own country?

5 - What is her parents' material and social position? Has she brothers and sisters? What is her age?

6 - Is she beautiful of face, of figure, and of dress? And do not forget your sensitive temperament on this score!!

7 - How is her health? For health is the fundamental factor in the building of a family. Look into this point with care, so that you may not be exposed to what your father has been exposed to — a life embittered by the frailty of my health and by my inability to share with him in social and working life.

8 - What is commonly said here among us is this: that the English woman is not like the French woman, or the German, for example, in the management of household affairs in point of taste, orderliness, and cleanliness. And you know well what an effective influence this quality has upon home life, especially in this age when servants' wages keep rising and their tyranny grows to a degree beyond all imagining. Have you studied this side of Margaret's inclinations? Does she possess energy for work in the house? And are the marks of true taste and cleanliness to be found in her parents' home?

I see no need to enlarge upon each of these questions or to set forth the consequences that follow from them. You have knowledge and understanding enough to make you careful in your directions. I would not have put them to you in this form, asking for answers to them, were it not for my longing, and your father's longing, to form a clear and distinct picture of the woman who will share with us in loving you, in caring for you, in attending to your comfort, and in securing your happiness, should you resolve to marry her.

Beyond that, we have nothing to say except one matter to which I wish to draw your attention: the difference of language, which is no less important than the other racial differences, especially with regard to your father, who is wholly ignorant of English.

You are, I have no doubt, that son dutiful to his parents, and I do not imagine you wish to keep your happiness to yourself alone; rather you desire to share it with us and to lighten upon us the burden of middle age — I do not say old age, lest your father be angered — yet I fear your wish may not be realized in that fashion, since language will stand as an impregnable barrier to understanding between him and Margaret — he who expects to keep company with you both far more than I shall — that is, if fortune favors me and I remain alive long enough to see the two of you together... It truly pains me to picture the loneliness your father will suffer after my going — with old age at the door — whether he wills it or not...

As for your asking of us our approval and our blessing in what concerns this marriage, you have them, my son, in any case. For your good sense and your sobriety, and your guarding of your dignity and your reputation, both near to us and far from us, until this day, fill us with joy and pride, and instill in us reassurance and hope that you will continue upon this course to the end.

May God bless you, my son, illumine your mind, and guide you on the path to what holds your good and your happiness, O beloved of Mama.