In Need of Love

It is our children's thirst for pure parental love that so often leads them to stealing, thumb-sucking, nail-biting, blinking of the eyes, and similar bad habits that take hold of our children, robbing them of the sweetness of life, or standing before our eyes as a tangled problem we are powerless to solve or be rid of!

The truth is that we very often forget it and neglect to apply it: we provide our children with warm, clean clothing and plentiful, nourishing food, and then bury ourselves in getting through the housework, heedless of our children's first need — the need for love and affection... So the child shrinks into himself in repression and isolation, and there he begins to establish these bad habits...

A friend asked me: "What do you suggest I put on my little girl's nails to stop her from biting them? I have tried wrapping her fingers in a strong bandage, and I have painted them with quinine solution and other things, and all these methods only made the habit worse..."

The fact is, my friend, that these negative methods you use with your little girl only sharpen her awareness of this habit, so she falls back upon it all the more. Look in the atmosphere of your home for the cause of this habit... Does your little daughter feel neglected? Draw her to you with loving words:

"Come, mama's darling, and help me dust, dry the teaspoons, sweep the stairs, arrange the flowers... And now I'm going to paint your nails with this shiny red polish — you deserve a reward for helping Mama!... And Mama loves you very much, and she will rub your hands with a sweet-smelling cream like the one she uses herself!"

And do not leave your little girl shrunk into herself if there is no one at home for her to play with. Give her scissors to cut out colored pictures which she picks from old magazines... Let her keep her hands and her mind busy, and she will be distracted from sucking and biting her fingers. But beware of calling her attention to it, scolding her, and heaping reproaches upon her for clinging to this habit — saying, for instance:

"Shame on Layla! How can she suck her finger — it will surely turn ugly... And look at your teeth, how ugly they have become from all that sucking..."

Beware of using rebukes with her, and hurtful expressions of that sort. Instead, pour out to her the abundance of your love and tenderness, and give her more notice and attention than before; in this way she will overcome her habit with ease...