A School for Wives

...And who is more entitled to speak of the qualities of the good wife than a good wife herself? And what pen is more fitting than that of the woman of letters Mrs. Asma Tubi in treating these grave social subjects?!..

On a tranquil hilltop, all greenery and light, stood the institute... On its great gate glittered a beautiful sign bearing the two words: An Institute for Wives. I decided to go in, and asked leave; the woman in charge came forward — a young woman with luster and charm, elegance and kindness. I said: Pardon me; the name of this institute has intrigued me, and I find I should like to inquire about it — about its aims and its programs. She said, smiling: Do come in.

The shaded room enclosed us, and she began to speak: As for our aims — we were alarmed by the falling off in marriage, this reluctance which threatens society in general, and girls in particular, with a black future; add to it these wars whose fuel is millions of young men, so that the balance is upset and the rate becomes three to seven girls for every young man; and hardly does nature restore the balance before war returns to spoil it...

And we were alarmed as well by this rush toward divorce — a rush increasing in every country of the world, until it has come to threaten society with the disintegration of the family and the multiplication of tragedies.

I said: And your program...? She answered:

The first thing I shall say is that in our institute there are hundreds of wealthy students, and the fortune of any one of them would guarantee her a marriage, if marriage alone were her aim; but their aim is a happy marriage and a successful family. So each of them pays large sums and binds herself to the rules of the institute, in order to become a good wife. As for the program, here it is:

First — and before everything else: frankness before marriage. Twisting and turning are the first pickaxe to strike at the foundation of marriage. The poor student with us tells her suitor frankly of her poverty; she who is fond of innocent pleasures does the same; she who smokes cigarettes does not claim she smokes but one, and she who drinks wine does not conceal her inclinations. She who spends a thousand liras a month on her elegance, for example, tells her suitor frankly; then either he draws back or he goes forward, and after that there is no blame and no reproach. The motto of this art with us is: every marriage built on a lie collapses.

Second — the art of economy. Under this heading comes the study of the art of nutrition and the kinds of vitamins, in the laboratory attached to our institute and then in the institute's kitchen; thus the student can offer the family the most delicious kinds of food, the richest in nourishment. And the art of sewing, in which the student practices sewing new garments and mending old clothes so that they come back new; and the science of buying the strongest and most durable, as the thrifty nations do; and training the children to care for their clothes; and other things besides, which make the housewife a minister of economy in whose hand the small salary suffices, with something laid by from it for old age... Those who have married out of our institute — and they are thousands — have been able to organize their household budgets with astonishing precision, and have appeared at the same time in a decent and respectable aspect. The motto of this art with us: Remember that a husband will never love the extravagant wife who loves her luxury and her dress more than his comfort.

I was listening eagerly, and she went on: Then psychology. Every creature among us has his own particular psychology, and if the student learns this art, she penetrates into the depths of the man she lives with. This husband's energy is kindled only by the fuel of encouragement and appreciation — so she whispers in his ear that he is the best of men, that he is the ablest of them at battling the world, and that he... and that he...

And this husband is difficult of temper, so she provides him with the quiet of the home and calm circumstances; and this one is jealous with a lover's jealousy, so she avoids everything that might rouse his fury; and this one is a spoiled child, so she lavishes on him what tenderness she lavishes. And so on. The motto of this art with us: Understand your husband... The important thing is not that you get a husband; the important thing is that you keep his heart...

Then the art of enchantment. I said, astounded: Enchantment...? She said, smiling: Yes. We have studied the lives of the enchantresses of history, and we came away from our study assured that beauty was not the first factor in their fascination. Cleopatra, for example — this woman of whose magic the whole world has sung, who captivated two of the greatest men in the world — was not perfect in beauty. The scholars of history have wished to search out the essence of her fascination, and the famous historian Plutarch wrote: everything in her mind — and please note the word mind — everything in her mind first, and then in her body, was a spring of delight. She pleased her lover in earnest and in jest alike: she played backgammon with him, accompanied him to the hunt, hunted at his side, applauded him at his training for combat. If we add to this the breadth of her learning and the sweetness of her talk, we know why Antony said of her: every woman has four kinds of magic, but Cleopatra has a thousand kinds of it... And so we teach our girl: a broad culture that makes of her a mature, respected companion; graceful talk that makes of her a precious spiritual delight; knowledge of the arts of sport and the kinds of

innocent amusement; renewal in her person and in the home, in the color and cut of a dress, in the arrangement of the hair and the rest. Nature is forever renewing; spring, if it stayed spring, souls would weary of it; and the beautiful chair in the selfsame corner loses its beauty and its splendor, though it be a masterpiece... And there is an important point: the wife who from the morning on wears bright, clean house-clothes, adding to them combed hair and comfortable shoes, has born within her a feeling of self-confidence and energy, and the husband's eye falls on nothing in her but what is restful. Perhaps this is what Mrs. Roosevelt meant when she said: it is easy for a woman to be cheerful and attractive at lunch, after she has been through the shops and enjoyed herself and bought; and at dinner, after she has been round to her friends and the cinema; but the attractive woman is she who at breakfast is cheerful and clean, a pleasant talker. The motto of this art with us: Disheveled hair and an empty head are among the greatest factors in the loss of your husband.

Then the art of friendship. A man does not marry a mistress. The honeymoon ends, be it long or short, and the wife who creates in its wake a firm friendship is the winner. The man who toils the whole day long wants to come back to his home to find a friend — a partner who lightens his troubles, who does her duty indoors as he does his outdoors, who runs the wheel of her household with a precision free of grumbling and complaint, mingled with humor and good cheer; a friend, with a friend's loyalty, and love, and sympathy, and largeness of heart, and forbearance — and above all a friend's self-sacrifice and delicacy of feeling... There is pride in husbands: they speak in their homes of their successes, but their failures they fold away in their depths... And the wife who is a friend knows how to draw the husband out to disclose what is hidden in his breast, if only she laughs at difficulties and meets failure with a high sporting spirit. The motto of this art with us: Do not suppose marriage a love story without end, with yourself its heroine for whom everything is sacrificed; friendship is loftier than love, and longer-lived than passion.

I said: And then? She said: There is also organization, and marital relations, and much else besides. I said, as I made an end: An institute for wives — how strange this is! She said: No — the strange thing is that it should not exist. Strange, rather, is our own case, we women: if one of us is told, come and be a lawyer or a seamstress, she answers, how can I, when I have not studied law or sewing? But if she is told, come along and be a wife, she hurries without hesitation — as if the management of a home, and the governance of a husband and a family, needed no preparation and no study. I said: And our grandmothers? She said: God rest our grandmothers — how many were their mistakes! And besides, any one of them understood nothing of the affairs of this world save that this man was the husband and the master, while she was content with the fact, and happy in it. But when what Shawqi said came true:

Say to the men: the captive has burst all bounds;
the bird of the curtained bower tomorrow shall fly

and when woman got learning, and learning did not stand between her and divorce, new methods were needed to change the state of things. I said: Have you not thought of founding an institute for husbands? She said: And why not...? We have begun with the more important; perhaps we shall yet do the important. And we laughed together.

And I went out to the hill that was all greenery and light, and to the proud sign on the great gate bearing the two words: An Institute for Wives.