The Change of Life in Woman

... These are the wise experiences of three great world personalities, casting light on a grave subject which our writers seldom approach...

The span between forty-five and fifty-five forms a very delicate stage in a woman's life — this is a truth we must all acknowledge, whatever the circumstances that surround us. The danger lies in our looking upon this span as a loss, or as the beginning of an end, whereas we can, on the contrary, consider it a starting point for new hopes, and an era for the enrichment of fine pastimes... For in this period a woman can look forward to settled health, free of turbulent emotional troubles, and this opens a field to her and gives her ample time for intellectual creation and invention; yet her thinking gifts and her mental capacities will scatter and die down unless she works to nourish and develop them by every way and means.

In this period a woman's family troubles and household occupations grow fewer, and it becomes possible for her to turn her activity to other pursuits and to a wider field. There is the social field and the practical field... She can hold a position for which she is paid a wage, thereby restoring to herself much self-confidence and self-esteem — that is, if she is in need of something material. If, on the contrary, she is not, then she does well to turn her efforts and her activity to the social projects that bring abundant good and benefit to herself and to her nation. There are the charitable, humanitarian associations — and how many there are in Lebanon! — which are in pressing need of the working woman's hand. Do not hesitate, then, Madam, to extend a helping hand to them; you are well aware how much this helps to develop the personality, to strengthen it, and to reinforce it — quite apart from the enjoyment and pleasure you yourself feel while carrying out these noble humanitarian and social works...

Then too it becomes possible for you, Madam, in this period, to take up again some of the pastimes you cast aside

in the past because of your absorption in tasks that claimed all your time — and you will find still greater pleasure if you join some of the societies that can develop your hobbies and your inclinations: joining, for instance, a musical choir or a theatrical troupe, or preparing some talks and lectures. And if you need private lessons to increase your knowledge, there is still ample time before you; and it would be well if you could attend a school, instead of taking these lessons at home, for to become a schoolgirl again is a delightful experience that renews your youth and restores to you something of vitality and activity; moreover, there you mingle with those younger than yourself, and this helps you to create an atmosphere of gaiety, freshness, and youth.

The class of women for whom this period is hardest are those who spent the early stage of their lives caring for relatives of theirs until God took them to Himself. They think of their youth, gone for nothing, without their having enjoyed the pleasures and delights of life, and this creates in their lives a vast emptiness which they find it impossible to fill... In such a case a woman does well to leave the past aside — what is past is past, and there is no profit in recalling it. And if she can find a true and faithful friend to share her good days and her bad, so much the better for her, for such a friend helps her to bear hardships and to relieve distress... The important thing is that she not look back with regret, or self-pity, or sorrow,

but try to build anew for the future...

It is true that a woman can now devote herself to many pastimes — as we have indicated — yet her home and her children still occupy the greater part of her thoughts. If she looks back, there appears to her clearly the picture of the many years she has traversed, their links joined one to another by the thread of the sense of responsibility — that responsibility which lightens for her gradually as her children grow from stage to stage: the stage of adolescence, for example, when they become independent in their thinking; then the stage of material independence; and finally the stage of independence in living.

And the way in which you receive these developments and face these changes will determine your joy or your sorrow. If you have built a sound house with well-knit corners, and planted in your children the seeds of the virtues, then without doubt you will reap what you have sown; and you do well to go along with them in their wishes and in what occupies them — talking with them, for instance, about the last football match you watched in their company, or the last motion picture you saw together.

In this period, too, Madam, you can be alone with your husband and devote yourself to him; but you must always remember not to try to wear your husband out or to impose yourself upon him, for he too now has what occupies him, since most men by this time have made for themselves a respected social standing. And you do well to accompany your husband to some of the gatherings that interest you and whose attendance pleases him... While you are there, try not to enter into argument with anyone in his own special field; and if you are inclined to the company of people, then listen to their talk, and you will find that they are certain to like you. And to speak well, you do well to listen to some of the radio programs, and then to subscribe to some magazines and newspapers; nor is there any harm in your keeping up with the talk of fashion.

Thus you see, Madam, from all the foregoing, that you can make of this period of your life, between forty-five and fifty-five, one of the loveliest periods of your years — instead of wasting it in vain on regrets, and on preparing for a dreary old age...