How to Be Happy Without a Husband!

"If a girl is alone, temporarily or permanently, can she build a happy life without a husband? And what is the secret of her success?"

This question was put to more than seventy girls who live on their own, and the answer came in seven parts. It appears that the modern girl is of strong mind: she does not believe that marriage is an institution for the girl incapable of work; rather she is a believer, confident of her qualifications, and she will make a competent housewife in her future! But during this period, while she is finding her life's companion, she lives a happy and active life!

She is single because she has not met the right young man, and she will accept no substitute for him; or she is delighted with her freedom in order to pursue a particular goal; or perhaps she is waiting to test herself further, to understand what she asks of marriage.

The girls I spoke with range in age between twenty and thirty; every one of them would like to marry, and looks forward to it, but she has laid out seven means to a contented single life:

1 — The modern single girl has a dwelling of her own: like any grown creature, she asks to feel this confidence and self-sufficiency, and that is not possible for her if she lives with her family, for she becomes dependent — or, as one of them put it: "I ride at the back of the cart."

The family may object to "the girl living alone," just as she meets difficulty in moving from one place to another to follow her work; and she may share the dwelling with another girl. But the hardest situation she faces is if she moves to another dwelling within the same town, for then she wounds the family's dignity. One girl commented on this, saying: "Dealing with parents and persuading them is harder than raising children."

This one lives in a dwelling with a colleague from her work, whom she came to know six months before sharing quarters with her; the two are alike in taste, and each has arranged her program so as to be able to help with the housework, and they have set a date at the end of every month to discuss whatever changes the home requires.

The proportion of girls who prefer solitude to sharing a dwelling is very small, and it may be the result of an unpleasant experience with a companion whose thinking and conduct did not harmonize with the other's.

Sharing a dwelling with another girl who is close to one in company and temperament is an economy and is socially preferable: half the bill is easier to pay, and she feels a thrill of gladness when she reflects that there is someone waiting for her at home after her work.

She holds a job, and everything life requires by way of security. Among the workers of the advanced countries, women exceed a third, and never in any age has woman had a greater share in work than she has today. This applies to the single girl, who does not carry a wife's responsibility. Nor does woman stop at this limit, content with the simple job; she goes beyond it to claim leadership and the high callings, such as medicine and the law, and she knocks at the door of engineering and pharmacy; and there is an ample number of women writers and teachers!

3 — She loves children! For a number of years the debate has been running among the psychologists on this subject: Is motherhood an instinct born with woman?

The girl loves to work for the rearing of children, and desire and aptitude differ from one woman to another. Here is Samira, who volunteers two evenings of every month, spending them at the child welfare association: she reads to the children and organizes their games, and comes home worn out — but her face glows with tenderness and affection, and she wants more of this work.

The psychologists say there are two kinds of motherly love: the love we express with a gasp when we see a beautiful child. But a mother's love for her children far surpasses this; and every child needs both kinds of love — the mother's personal love, and the general love of those around him.

So if the single girl volunteers to spend part of her free time with children, she meets two needs: the child's need for tenderness, and her own need to give from the flow of this affection.

4 — Her social activity is vigorous.
I tried to reach Amal by telephone at about eleven in the morning, and her voice was ringing and sweet: "I have some girlfriends here, but no harm in your coming."
She introduced me to her companions, and I managed to have a talk with her. She is a schoolteacher, and her colleagues too are young women, single or married, and what she said applies to them all. They kept coming and going until I left the house, and through it all she was gracious, providing gaiety for everyone. Home life matters to the girl of today: she loves the cinema, watching sporting matches, and dancing; she loves, too, the smartly furnished flat, for she likes to give parties on occasions, and it opens the way to meeting more faces in society.

5 — Her social standing is respected.
A century ago, the single girl past twenty-five was counted a spinster; it hung like a cloud over her world, and she had to stand firm to face it and argue her case with her family. Very often she pushed herself into a worthless marriage to escape spinsterhood and the social looks that came with it; otherwise nothing remained for her but teaching, or some honorable trade to earn her living. Thinking changed greatly after the First World War: woman gave proof of awareness and of capacity for work, and with that the economic reason for early marriage faded away, and she came, too, to choose her own husband. But the girl still hesitates to go out alone to parties or to certain social gatherings, lest she draw attention or feel that she is out of place — while there is a class of girls who care nothing for what people say or how society looks at them.

For a woman to remain single, respected, and happy is something new; and if she does not herself try to bring back the notion of the past, she feels sufficiency, courage, and vigor.

6 — She does not preoccupy herself with sexual matters. The girl of today speaks of sex with a certain embarrassment. In'am is an attractive fair-haired young woman of twenty-six who works as a dentist; she lives with another girl in her dwelling. She said to me: "A man may enjoy the sexual relation, but we differ from him, because we want this relation as a permanent marriage bond; it is not merely an act of feeling, since a woman must guard her reputation. I am waiting until I marry the person whom I myself choose; and if I remain single, I shall run my life as the rule of morals and the conceptions of society require."

7 — She takes pleasure in the company of people, in entering new places and looking at new things. The girl is widely informed and intelligent, and she loves to cultivate herself and to advance. This one takes lessons in psychology or in the art of beauty and fashion; that one loves to travel, to attend lectures; and her political activity is no less than that of a man of her age.

And so she lives a happy life, full and gay; and with these seven compensations she secures her life for happiness — even if she never marries!