Why Don't You Want Children?!

Jamil and Suad were in turmoil and confusion. This was her last year at the university, and the plan the two of them had drawn up looked uncertain. She could obtain money to cover expenses, but a new baby had not been expected!.. "I do not hate children," said Suad, "but our present income does not help us." Jamil begged her to leave school temporarily until she gave birth, while he continued his studies and would help her afterward to reach her academic goal; the wife cried out in anger and resentment at the situation that stood between her and her aims.

The young couple's situation was critical, and the coming of the child added to its confusion — the child who brought Jamil back to recover his standing with his parents. Soon the parents' hearts softened, and Jamil's mind was set at rest.

It is an ordinary story, one that wraps the poor child in the helplessness of parents who ignored their material situation and misunderstood the true duty of parents, which requires them, in the period of the children's growth, to devote themselves to guidance and giving.

Jamil won his parents' sympathy, and his condition improved; but what could he have done had his family turned deaf ears to his cry for help?.. Inevitably he and his wife would have passed through a period of bitter struggle and pain that affects the first years of the child's development, for psychologists affirm that all the behaviors and feelings that take form in the individual's personality are the result of his first experiences in life; and of course no father or mother wants a life of pain for this person cut from the very core of her being. Parental love forms the first shield to protect the child from slipping into abnormality and extremes.

Adnan is a child of four; his favorite pastime is shutting the neighbors' door when they wish to go out, and by this he tries to draw to himself a share of their attention. Such, too, was his conduct at home, respecting no order or arrangement. What is the cause of this strange behavior?

Yes — it is a hunger for affection and attention. His birth came contrary to his parents' plan,

for his father was employed in a distant country and sent for the mother to join him, but pregnancy kept her from traveling, and the two parents went on suffering a life of loneliness and deprivation, which left its mark on the marital bond. The first year remained one of confusion and unsettlement for the mother, who in her heart of hearts blamed the child for it, and so raised a barrier between him and the flow of her affection — while this new guest was waiting to find a place for himself in his parents' hearts, or else to resist and do the impossible to win back that right. Had Jamil not gained his parents' help, this would have been his child's fate.

Birth is a natural event, and parents must accept it; and would parents know any happiness if the matter of birth, or its absence, were left to their own decree?..

Parents can adjust the situation to suit their means, then keep every rancor or grudge away from the atmosphere of innocent childhood and its share of happiness — the psychological reward that parental feeling pours out — and be content with the position they have reached through diligence and struggle, not by preventing a birth or casting off a child already born.

Every human being has his own path in life: taking meals, entertaining friends, then sharing life's pleasures — all these are measures that tell you where you stand in the world and how far you have realized your dreams and hopes. But have you ever thought that these things change the day the new baby appears? You adjust your situation to his demands, and it is right that you should fight to keep the arrangements familiar to you.

You count it a sacrifice to leave your dwelling in order to follow your children's demands, but you receive for it a precious reward if you are aware and patient, when you see your children — whom you took for barriers — to be the ladder of ascent and contentment in your life!

Many young people hate children, but the birth of a child from the core of their own being changes their view entirely. It matters less how much you wish to watch the child or play with him than that his need be met — the preservation of the bonds of affection and mutual love between you. Your duty is to make a place for the child in your heart and in your mind, and the finest gift you can give him is your welcome, and the assurance of sound affection in an atmosphere saturated with understanding and feeling.