The Duties of Parents toward Their Children

"Miss Bahija Yumi Suleiman has kindly favored 'The Woman's Voice' with this valuable article, which she broadcast over Radio Lebanon in July 1946."

At first glance one might imagine that the arrangements upon which the family rests resemble those found among animals, founded on instinct alone, and that they are in no sense social institutions. One might suppose that the relations existing between husband and wife, the bonds among the members of the family, and the rearing of children are all instinctive arrangements; but this is a mistaken view. If we look a little closely, we find that all the affairs of the family — rights, bonds, duties, and ways of living — are not merely natural or instinctive, but are also human phenomena, the work of society itself, into which the individual pours his actions from his earliest growth.

The root purpose of marriage and the forming of the family is the preservation of the species, through the production of offspring and the rearing of children. From this standpoint it is considered a religious institution, for religion favors it and works to strengthen its pillars.

The family is the nucleus of society and the root of the ordering of the individual's life; it must therefore be a strong, close-knit unit, so that by it the strength and greatness of the nation may be assured. Woman is the mainstay of the family, and upon her efforts in rearing her children society is built. Hence a spirit of harmony and love must reign in the family, and every one of its members must perform the duties that fall to him, so that all may enjoy happiness in its fullest meaning.

We all know that the family grows and multiplies through offspring. Whenever a new star appears on its horizon, it has claims and duties upon the family. It is the children's right over their parents, at their first entry into life, that the parents should tend them with care and attention, to secure for them the means of growth and good health; that they should train their souls and accustom them to good habits and the beloved virtues, while nourishing their minds with the sciences and knowledge suited to their age, so that they may grow and flourish in their shade, strong of body, sound of mind, developed in their faculties, facing their future lives with steadiness and strength.

The period of pregnancy has its own importance in the child's life, for in it the embryo is formed, and during this time it is exposed to every influence. Care of the child begins before the birth, and the mother, by virtue of her connection with it, must attend to her health, her food, her rest, and her exercise. She should live a calm, restful life, far from the preoccupations that stir up anxiety and disquiet of mind; nor should she give herself over to idleness, for it may bring on nervous ailments, besides opening the way before her to fancies and imaginings that may have a harmful effect upon the embryo. She should be surrounded by an atmosphere of cheerfulness and joy, to rest her mind and her nerves, so that the child may grow up calm and strong-nerved; and she should keep away from everything that arouses violent emotions in her — terror, fear, grief, and the like — for that makes the child grow up a coward, who panics at the smallest surprise.

Among the important duties is the parents' watchfulness over the instruction and culture of their children, and their care of them through the stage of childhood and the stages that follow it — that is, from the time the child is placed in kindergarten, or whatever takes its place, and moves on from it through the various stages of schooling, until he becomes able to earn his living.

The rearing of children is very nearly the original function of the family, and upon the parents falls a large share of the duty of moral, emotional, and religious training in all the stages of childhood — indeed, in the stages that follow as well. It is no secret what effect the sense of security a child feels in the shade of parental tenderness has upon his growth and happiness: we see him greet life with gladness and confidence, while his natural eagerness to keep that care impels him to exert his powers to please those who watch over his comfort and envelop him in their affection and tenderness; he gives to them and pleases them, just as he avoids doing whatever would cause their aversion and anger... Modern psychology has shown that the child deprived of this affection grows up disordered, lacking emotional balance. Family life and the general atmosphere of the home give the child his first social bearings, so that he grows up on ordered foundations for living, and many of the customs and traditions of his country, the teachings of his religion, and much else pass to him — something that no other body whatever can accomplish except the family.

Moreover, the family by its very constitution requires cooperation, trust, and fidelity; it is therefore a broad field for the growth of the social virtues and good qualities in the souls of children, in a natural way, without hardship or strain. Devotion, sacrifice, cooperation, and fidelity are all qualities that can be planted only in the good soil of the family, and they do not grow and flower in any atmosphere better than the serene atmosphere of the home. The husband's devotion to his wife, and her love, her tenderness, and her sacrifice for the happiness of her children, and the cooperation of all under the banner of trust and affection — all these are virtues that stamp themselves upon the little ones, who grow up in them; and how strong is their aptitude for imitating those who surround them and being influenced by them, through the working of suggestion and fellow-feeling.

The very opposite of this is the child who has the ill luck to grow up in an atmosphere heavy with clouds, full of upheavals and storms: he takes the stamp of his people and grows up in their detestable habits, and becomes a misfit.

This is because the child spends the early years of his life within the walls of the family, and at that stage he is highly sensitive, quick to be affected and molded, owing to the pliancy of his nervous system. We see him powerfully affected by the atmosphere that surrounds him, be it good or bad — to a degree that bears out the proverb: "from the wolves one may learn to howl."

It goes without saying that the success of every form of productive endeavor in the nation depends on the family's good guidance of its children. In the matter of education, the family must take care to direct its children toward the line that accords with their inclinations and aptitudes, and to acquaint itself with those inclinations and aptitudes; for it is shameful ignorance to leave this or that to chance, or to be swayed at times by certain traditions — that the son should be an officer like his father, or a doctor, or a merchant. Rather it is the parents' duty to proceed by the light of their children's natural aptitude, so as to direct them toward what will assure them happiness and success in their future lives.

A home is happy only when every member of it feels his duties as he feels his rights, and when all cooperate for whatever serves the good of the family, so that every member of it may be sound for himself, for his family, and for his nation. For just as the individual is the unit of the family, so the family is the unit of the nation; and it alone — be it sound or corrupt — is the best rearer of children, tending them with its mercy and tenderness, leading them along the straight path, and preparing for them the ways of success.