Our Children in Adolescence

The mixing of girls and boys at the age of adolescence: how should it proceed? Is it better to go along with the extreme Western current, or to hold to our traditions, which counsel against the mixing of the sexes, especially at this age?

Ten years ago, a friend of mine said to me one day: When will my children grow up, so that I may rest from sleepless nights, daily baths, and running after them? I met her yesterday and asked her about her little ones, and she answered: I used to think my task would grow lighter the day they grew up and could do without me; but today I discover in their lives deep and complicated problems before which I stand with my hands tied. Often I say to myself: how easy the sleepless nights were, and the purely bodily fatigue, beside these problems of the mind that cause me worry and care... The older our children grow, the greater and more complicated our responsibility for them becomes.

These problems did not have, in past ages, the importance they have today. We are in an age in which minds have opened and awakened to the gravity of the first stages of a child's life and their far-reaching effect on his future life. For this reason there arose in the West schools of thought, headed by Rousseau, calling for the child to be given absolute freedom for the development of his personality... And Freud said: every act a child performs goes back to a sexual factor... This view was counted extreme, because the sexual factor was, until lately, a subject into which inquiry was not permitted. From the interplay of these modern educational theories and others there resulted long studies and experiments, which cast light on deep educational truths.

Schools of mixed instruction were opened, youth clubs were opened for both sexes of every age, and the pens of educators began recording incidents and statistics and building theories, by which they arrived at some conclusions — I do not say all. The debate over this inquiry is still heated, and the field of inquiry is still wide and fertile...

It became clear to educators that educational problems, especially the sexual ones arising from the mixing of the sexes, in schools and in their social life, multiply at the age of adolescence — that critical stage which leaves the boy and the girl swinging between childhood and youth: they are neither small children whose behavior goes unnoticed and whose doings carry no weight, nor a young man and young woman balanced in feeling and emotion, complete in mental understanding... That delicate period in which the boy and the girl begin to sense bodily differences between them that formerly were of no account, and are stirred by the least touch or glance.

Mothers watchful over their children's interests have raised this question: what kind of freedom may be given to the two sexes at the age of adolescence? I shall try to answer this question in the light of our own life and our society.

Children's lives are a complete, indivisible whole. I mean that whenever we wish to examine one stage of childhood, we must look at what precedes this stage and what follows it, if we are to obtain a satisfactory result. This is a truth that must be laid down before entering upon the subject.

That the mixing of the sexes is necessary is a matter now agreed upon, and today no one calls for isolating one sex from the other and curbing their moderate freedom except the backward reactionaries — and we, thank God, are not of them!

But the problem that confronts us is: when should this mixing begin? And what are its nature and its limits?

In answer to the first question I say: the mixing of the sexes begins in childhood and continues naturally. It follows, then, that no screen should be raised between them from that early stage; their mixing, their companionship, and their treatment as equals on one level then become something natural and unforced, entering into the very foundation of their lives. In this atmosphere the boy comes to understand that the bodily difference between the sexes does not mean a difference in importance and worth. And from here springs his respect for his sister and for his companion — that respect

which we, the women of this age, find wanting in the treatment of our men generally, so that we can scarcely make out that it exists... We cry out to them: we want our rights, we want equality with you; what distinguishes the educated among you over the educated among us, and the ignorant among you over the ignorant among us? We ask them, and we press the question, and behold, most of our men see no reason for this insistence of ours, or for this empty clamor we raise against them, and they deem it justice itself that we should be content with the curtailed right that is ours...

If we studied the present situation with a deep psychological study, it would become clear to us that much of the cause goes back to this: the atmosphere in which these men grew up, in their childhood and youth, was an atmosphere that separated the sexes. The girl was confined to her house; she had no right to mix with boys, to enjoy the wide rights they had, to play the games they played, or to assert her personality and win respect for it... Had we had in our childhood and youth such mixing, and such companionship with our brothers and acquaintances of the other sex, we would not today be suffering from our men this sick view, which offends our dignity as educated, conscious women citizens.

For this reason the mixing of the sexes, in all the early stages of life, is a necessity we call for, if we wish for our society a renaissance and progress...

There are those who say that the mixing of the sexes in the West, and the absolute freedom given to it, especially in America, has brought many moral evils that do not suit our mentality and our social traditions; and that we would rather our girls remain deprived of their rights than lose our high moral values and expose our daughters to social dangers whose consequences may be grave... I agree with this view; therefore I call for moderation, and for wisely limiting this freedom at this age — I mean the age of adolescence — and for a sound watchfulness over both parties. There is no harm in their going in groups on an outing, or to a party, or to a lesson; but the mother is bound to acquaint herself with the members of this group, to know where they are going and how they will spend their time, and to make certain that this information is drawn from sound sources. For this it is necessary, before all else, that from childhood there grow up between parents and their children a mutual confidence founded on understanding and love, and that this confidence and this love continue and remain a firm foundation for all relations between the two sides; for the means of harshness and violence rarely avail in educational problems, especially those arising from sexual factors, which are highly excitable and sensitive at this age; and methods of rebuke and intimidation tend to drive both sexes away from the natural atmosphere we are so anxious to keep clean, and to cause psychological complexes that may lead to deep problems of far-reaching effect.